Stuff

car
acoustic guitar
hear muff beanie hat
usb
external hard-drive
iPod cover
part-time job
$2000

Worshiping God in the Midst of Hard Times

Dear God,

Please keep teaching me and my dear sister F to keep worshiping You in the midst of hard times. When life is sucky, when we don't understand what's going on, when we're sad, when we're angry, when we feel hurt, when we are jipped, when we are tired and just want to give up... yet still we want to worship You because You love us and You deserve every bit of praise because You're just that worthy.

Father God, we want to worship You. Help us to do that with our whole hearts and entire lives. And dearest Lord, please protect my sister, me, and our families from any spiritual attacks from the Enemy. God, we know he is hard at work and prowling to devour us in our weakness and vulnerable times, but Father we choose You and we hold onto Your Word and Your promises. In Your powerful and holy name, we rebuke Satan and his forces and command them to leave us. Father God, please guard our hearts and minds and keep us securely in Your deep deep love. Please continue to steer our boat as we travel through the stormy sea, Captain Jesus. Give us the faith to trust You with all things. Please give my sister strength as she studies for her final exams -- give her an active and absorbent mind to retain all the information she reads and studies. Will You continue to carry us through the rest of this year, as You have faithfully been doing since day 1?

Thank you, Lord. We love you.

In Jesus's name I pray, Amen.

Jeremy Camp's (Awesome) Testimony
(Be blessed!)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFLFFBhcUEM&feature=player_embedded#!

sigh

God, what are You trying to do in my life lately? I've been having these mixed emotions, been feeling ups and downs lately (and the ups aren't even really that high), been haunted by some hurts and sad stuff from the past. Already cried myself to sleep two times. I really don't like to nor want to cry. Been struggling lately. So many people around me struggling, too. Is this really what life is about: constant struggle?

God, I want to hear You better. Can You tell me what's up? Because I'm trying to listen........

Jesus, I wanna go DEEEEEEP with you. I want to have victory over the Enemy and not let him have a foothold on me, especially when I'm feeling weak and vulnerable these days.

Ughhh big headache and back pain. Feeling feverish. And my right knee's been feeling funky for a few weeks now, I think it might be slightly disconnected. Must be some type of injury from running.

I think I'm getting sick. Looking forward to a better day tomorrow.

Jar of Clay

These days I've been repeatedly reminded that I am like a (broken) jar of clay. And it hurts to break. But I'm GOD's cracked jar of clay, and He's the One who fills all the cracks with SuperGlue and then paints over the clay, covering it completely with fresh new paint. And then for some unfathomable reason He still chooses to use me. I am so humbled by His great great Love... so humbled.

I am forgiven. I am a new creation! Praise the Lord.


Song of the Day: Worlds Apart - Jars of Clay

God sure LOVES me

WHOAAA what an intense, emotional, tears-filled, but nonetheless God-glorifying weekend. I'm thankful for the work the Holy Spirit has been and is still doing in me. It's been tough and painful and at times feels like I'm all breaking up into shreds inside and I take lots and lots and lots of deep breaths because it's so overwhelming to take everything in... But it's all good because God is good. I want to be broken so that all the disgusting (and hidden!) pride inside DIES and the evil sins can be surfaced and realized and confessed and forgiven. I want to experience cleansing and peace and FREEEEEDOMMM! Even though going through brokenness and certain difficult situations really suck and hurt, I'm thankful that God is allowing it because He LOVES me and wants to humble me so that He can show me His grace (1 Peter 5). He wants to break me so that I can realize I am nothing without Him, so that I can go completely to Him, so that He can be glorified. No more being ENSLAVED to guilt and legalism and man's approval and acceptance and whispers from the Enemy. No more. I want to live for God, not man. I want to have Christ-like character. I want to know God more and more each day. I want to love and forgive, just as I am LOVED with His incomparable, unconditional, abundant LOVE and am forgiven by the Saving One. I want to grow and have increasing victory over sin. I want to claim everlasting peace that only God gives.

God, You're INDESCRIBABLY AWESOME. I love You. Thank You for first loving me. You're the One who taught me what love is. You're so worthy of my everything, of ALL of me. You are the Only trustworthy One. You are the Ultimate Discipler. You are the fair Judge, the Lover of Justice. You are a God of clarity, not confusion. You are the Wise King. You are my Faithful Provider. You are the Prayer Answerer. You are the Direction Giver. You are Lord of Lords, King of Kings, Mighty God, Lord of everything, Emmanuel, the Great I AM, Prince of Peace who is the Lamb, Living God, Saving Grace, You will reign forever, You are Ancient of Days, Alpha and Omega, beginning and the end, Savior, Messiah, Redeemer, Best Friend.

Thank You, God, thank You.

Jesus is the Ultimate Discipler

Jesus, I wish you were my earthly discipler right now. I want to follow you so badly. I wish that things were clearer. There are sooooo many uncertainties and so much to pray about. There were so many times today and lately when my mind was bombarded by a zillion things, running around in circles in my head. O Lord Jesus, you are Sovereign God, Holy and Majestic, Perfectly Powerful and Able. You are Faithful. Just like how You have always been there for me in the past and helped me in every single difficult situation and troubled times, I know that You will surely help me through this. No problem is too big for You to solve, God. Please give me the faith to continue turning to you and trusting you.

I Miss Kyrygyzstan.

I really really miss Talas and Bishkek and the time spent there this summer and the missionaries we met overseas. Most importantly, I miss my students :(

Today at the bus-stop, this dude on a bike rode up to me. He asked me how to get to Eddy+Leavenworth street. I told him to take the bus but he insisted he wanted to ride his bike there. I told him it was very far and would probably take him an hour. As he thanked me and was about to ride off, I asked him "Do you speak Russian?" (He looked Asiany but something about the way he spoke English reminded me of my students in Kyrgyzstan.) To my delight, he responded "yes" and so I said "hello" to him in Russian. I asked if he was from Kyrgyzstan. He said he was from Kazakhstan (Almaty). My face lit up and I told him that I went to Almaty this summer (didn't get to mention that we were only there for a day though) and that I was in Kyrgyzstan teaching English. We literally talked for only a minute longer because the bus came and I had to leave and he biked off.

There is such a strong nostalgia in my heart for Kyrgyzstan... I know that things might be different from what I experienced on V-SET this summer if/when I go back, my students might be different or some not even there anymore, I myself might be different, things might change, it might not be God's will for me to return... but still, I wanna go back so badly. Hopefully when I go back and see my students and team leader, my Russian would be better than the little that I've learned so far from class every day.

If I had a load of money right now, I would:
-Buy a bike
-Buy a car
-Give it to friends who really need it
-Buy airplane tickets to fly back to Kyrgyzstan

Praying for Prayerfullness

So I've been having a real DIFFICULT time praying lately. I don't know why but it feels like I can't/don't pray for some reason. I want to but I can't seem to pray. And I don't mean "little prayers" of thanking God that the bus came on time or thanking God for providing food on the table. Well I guess I shouldn't count those as "little prayers" because God hears all prayers - big or small - but I've been lacking in those deep, hearty, God-I-wanna-know-You prayers. I think I just get distracted or unmotivated or my mind starts trailing off... Like on Wednesday night, I was over at my friend's apartment in Berkeley and sleeping on her couch. That night I had a horrible and unrestorative sleep, maybe because her couch was too short for my legs. But as exhausted and sleepy as I was by that evening, I unexpectedly had a really hard time falling asleep, so I decided "What better thing to do right now but pray..." But I don't know why, all I could do was keep repeating "Dear God, I thank you so much for (silence)... (trying again) Dear God, I thank you so much for(silence)......." But nothing else really came out. It's not that I didn't have things to thank God for (I had a gazillion, especially that Wed) but I just couldn't pray. Kinda stupid when I think about it...

The desire to pray to God is always there in my heart, but it's all about actually doing it. Right now I fail in the "actually doing it" part. While I'm glad that God has given me a bigger heart to pray for other people, like my team leader and friends in Kyrgyzstan as well as other people I know who who are currently going through a tough time, I feel that I haven't been able to "pray for myself" lately. But it's not like I've been super good at intercession either. Even worse with supplication, even though there are many things I should be praying about. Kinda ironic huh... you would think that with as many things going through my mind every day, I should be praying EVEN more... But I dunno, guess I might be (unconsciously) running away from God or something like that...

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO PRAY??? WHY DON'T I DESIRE IT MORE??? Hopefully this is just a "phase"... and hopefully it won't last. Maybe I should ask God to help me to be more prayerful...

Currently reading Billy Hybels's Too Busy Not To Pray, which I hope I'll have the willpower to finish reading.

AHHHHHHHHHH

There are a bajillion things on my mind. So many tasks to finish, decisions to make, things to ponder about. And uncertainty/confusion about my future makes me antsy and restless and worried. And then I can't help but feel stupid about feeling that because I knowww God's got my back and He LOVES me and has a plan for me and that He understands everrrrything that I'm going through right now. But if I know all this, then why do I still feel blahhhhh??

Yesterday after Large Group, I finally got a chance to talk to Danny about some things that's been on my heart. He responded with lotsa godly counsel but most importantly, he invited me to really go to God and dig deep into His WORD. One thing that he said that stood out to me was "Faith doesn't always make sense."

Matthew 17:19-20

19Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, "Why couldn't we drive it out?"
20He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."


sigh. These days my supply of faith has been fluctuating... sometimes it really feels as small as a mustard seed, but then some days I'm very certain in my heart that everything will be a-okay and that God will provide like He always does. Of course deep down in my heart is always the desire to TRUST God, but often times I still catch myself leaning on my own limited understanding and efforts. danggg it, why am I such a weak-faithed weaklinggg? I really do wanna just OBEY GOD. I really really do.

I reallllly need to PRAY, draw close to God, get deep into His Word, and earnestly seek Him MORE. like RIGHT NOW. and constantly, daily. I really need direction from Jesus Christ. After all, He is the BEST and ULTIMATE discipler.

(Note: For those of you who have been praying for me, I sincerely THANK YOU. Please keep me updated with you and lemme know how I can be praying for you as well.)

Tears

I cried A LOT today. Multiple times, too. Just like waterworks. My eyes sorta sting right now and I kinda feel dehydrated.

Got into a fight with both my parents about church stuff... ICA and my home church. Feel conflicted in my own heart in terms of where God wants me to be to continue growing and serving. Realized that I still had a lot of resentment in my heart and upset towards some people/situations of the past. Felt guilty about applying to nursing school and for potentially having a career (is full time ministry the way to go?). Also felt useless/unproductive/fruitless about myself in terms of ministry. I'm also really physically exhausted and tired of always feeling that I'm rushing - rushing home from school, rushing to hop on BART to get to Berkeley, rushing so I could meet up with people, rushing to get work done and actually get sleep. Just was really angry and frustrated today. I had so much rage in me that I actually started to hit and kick the wall. I just wanted to shout or break dishes or punch something. Unacceptable behavior, yeah I know. I'm just confused about what God wants me to do at this point in my life. All I want to do is obey, but I don't hear His audible voice. Wish I did. Would be so much easier...

Guess God's just been surfacing many things all at once. I've noticed that's how He usually operates in my life. For some reason when it rains, it pours. Kinda overwhelming. But I know and trust that He won't give me more than I can handle.

Right now I guess I'm feeling kinda sensitive and emotional. Also felt a great deal of self pity today, which is not good.

Just gotta keep praying, trusting, believing in GOD. If you're reading this, please pray for me too. Thanks.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 and Proverbs 3:4-5. All the way.

Proverbs 3:5-6 :)

I have a midterm on Nutrition, a 4 minute speech I have to give in Interpersonal Communication class, a Russian speech to memorize, and two homework assignments... all DUE TOMORROW. HEH. I'll probably end up pulling an all-nighter or something close to one... but thankfully, I'm quite calm and at peace at the moment. Thanks, God.

Well, I had a pretty busy and jam-packed weekend in LA. The only pretty bad lame was that both my flights were delayed 3 hours (going AND coming... never happened before). Aside from that, I had a pretty blessed time. Went to Praise Night on Friday and broomballing with ICA brothers and sisters from USC, UCLA, and UCI. Also go to see all my V-SET teammates (minus Ed) and meet Ahnjo's wife, Amber! That was pretty nice. W4C planning committee meeting on Saturday and attended an outdoor wedding in the afternoon at the CSU Fullerton arboretum. Caught up with some W4C buddies over dinner at a yummy but expensive sushi restaurant. Worshiped at WHEC on Sunday and was super blessed to see many new faces (like Sherry from BeiDa, who was Denise and my contact in Beijing and who is currently studying at UCLA for a year) as well as old faces (like Angie Jie!) and Berkeley faces (David, Wendy, and Tim!). Bummers that my time in LA was so short and that I didn't get to catchup with as many people as I hoped. Hopefully next time.

Now I'm back in Norcal and as always, there are a million things to do and it feels like I'm racing against the clock. There are always things I NEED to do and then there are other things that I WANT to do and would much rather be doing, if I had the choice. May God help me to have better time management, the ability to discern and prioritize, and to not stress.

Was super blessed and thankful to be able to chat with my V-SET Team Leader Edo for a little while at first. Was very encouraged by him as he advised me over an issue that I'm still slightly burdened by. He told me to keep praying for humility and peace in my heart and to continue loving no matter the circumstance, and to pray for God's peace to reign in me, and to not want to be ministered unto. Then he gave me Proverbs 3:5-6 which has such an AWESOME promise at the end. I believe that God will certainly make the way clear and straight to us if we keep on trusting Him with ALL OUR HEARTS and not lean on our own understanding.

COOL BEANS. Let's all continue to press on in FAITH and trusting God with ALL OUR HEARTS :]

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

BE STILL

Lately, God's been revealing to me a lot about the disgusting pride that I have ingrained in myself. PRIDE. I absolutely HATE it. And I have been realizing and am still realizing now more than ever that I have A LOT OF IT in me. A lot of my pride is subtle, like in many situations I didn't even think or realize that it was my pride that I'm wrestling with. Pride can come in many forms and manifests itself in different ways. Often times when I sin, I feel really bad and guilty and contrite afterwards. But many times I feel bad not so much because I broke God's heart and hurt Him but because I failed, I messed up, I scr*wed up. I feel bad because my pride was hurt. And I believe this is not what I should be feeling about sin. The focus needs to go back to God, not me.

Mmmmm these past two weeks since coming back "home" to America (home? what IS home? home = Heaven, right?) have been pretty crazy rough busy overwhelming in the sense that God's been working so mightily (He's ALWAYS at work) and teaching and revealing so much to me. I'm still processing all the things that happened and lessons learned during and post-VSET, which has been quite overwhelming because God has just been teaching and revealing A TON OF STUFF to me, especially through conversations with the leaders in ICA (Danny Akemi Vieng Sally). Kinda heavy on my soul. In addition to emotional/spiritual heaviness, I still have a million things that I need/wanna do like: continuing to email my students in Kyrgyzstan every day, reading up on VSET updates and updates from longtermers overseas, going to school every day and doing reading and homework (especially Russian homework), calling up and writing letters and updates to my supporters to thank them and fill them in, catching up with many many friends, TAWG and processing things from VSET, running and exercising, napping and resting, scrapbooking, unpacking and cleaning my room, applying to nursing school, cooking for my parents and serving them now that I live at home, reading the Bible more as well as good Christian books, finding a part time job because I need money to pay rent and also because I spend at least $50 a week on transportation/commute alone...

Meanwhile these thoughts are swarming at a rate of 3544563mph through my mind, I feel that time is zipping by so fast. 　I've barely had time to do half of the aforementioned list, let alone catch up on sleep during nighttime! Today during church service at Living Hope Evangelical Church, our co-pastor Danny gave this really awesome message on BEING STILL. Generally the verse that comes to mind about being still is Psalm 46:10:

"Be still and know that I am God."

But the other one that Danny focused on today was taken from Exodus 14:14, which says:

"The LORD will fight for you; YOU NEED ONLY TO BE STILL."

I was really spoken to through the message today. I think I really needed to hear that, to be reminded that despite all these things happening around me and inside of me, I need to just BE STILL in the presence of my God, knowing that He is near, that He will provide a solution for whatever difficulty or discouragement I am going through (just like He did for Moses and the Israelites at the Red Sea), and that He wants me to continue to trust Him as I go forward into the unknown (God commanded Moses to go forward and cross, not stop at the entrance of the Red Sea). And in the end, it's God's Love that has the last word. God wants me to know that HE LOVES ME.

Prayer Requests:
-that I BE STILL in the presence of GOD
-that I may obey God, even in the littlest ways
-for God's peace in my heart and soul
-for the faith to trust God with this upcoming year (being a recent college grad, jobless, somewhat directionless)
-that I may focus on BEING rather than DOING for God right now
-that this painful red swollen sty-thingy on my upper-left eyelid won't cause blindness or anything damaging/threatening to my eye and that the pain would subdue soon

Song of the Day (Week): Somewhere in the Middle - Casting Crowns

I left my heart in Kyrgyzstan and China.

Maybe I'll regret saying this later but as of now, it pretty much SUCKS being back in America.

Right now I'm at home in San Francisco, California. Us V-SETters landed in LAX on Friday, August 13 afternoon. I stayed in Socal a day and a half and arrived up here in Norcal SF on Sunday evening after a long 7-hour bus ride. The following day (Monday) was the first day of school at City College of San Francisco, which was pretty sucky as well because I was not only late to my first class but didn't get into the class I'm trying to add (physiology). It's also been pretty tough because I'm still pretty jetlagged. Must be the time zone difference because I'm so sleepy at random parts of the day and by the time nighttime comes, I'm already pretty pooped out. Plus I have to wake up early in the mornings to take the bus to school and I REALLLLLY don't wanna rise up in the mornings.

V-SET was surely a life-changing experience. God used this summer to grow me in many ways and blessed me soooooo much through V-SET because He LOVES me. At the same time, God taught me soooooo many lessons (many of which I am still in the process of learning) and also revealed many sins in my heart - one being how selfish and conditional my love is. There is really no comparison between my love and GOD'S LOVE - His amazing, unconditional, unfailing, great great LOVE which is better than life! And I realized more than ever that MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD IS THE BESTEST, BEAUTIFULEST, MOST IMPORTANT THING. I'm still in the process of processing and reflecting on everything that happened on V-SET this summer... it's sorta overwhelming because there's so much to take in and yet there's so much happening around me already.

So the plan for me this upcoming year is (was?) to finish taking pre-requisites at CCSF so that I can apply to nursing school this fall, live at home with my parents, look for a part-time job, and perhaps continue serving in ICA Berkeley ministry. But yeah, now everything is pretty much up in the air, especially after my experiences on V-SET this summer. I feel that God has definitely planted a seed in my heart for missions and the lost. I don't even know where my heart is right now in terms of if I really want to do nursing school anymore, or at least as of right now. I mean, if I hear God's audible voice telling me to drop everything and give up nursing school and all my ambitions to go long-term overseas to serve Him, I would do that in a heartbeat. Or the converse. If He tells me to continue to pursue my education/career in America as a nurse and serve Him that way, I'd do it in an instant (I have a feeling this is what my parents are leaning towards). But that's not the case because I don't hear Him telling me to do either of those exactly. Actually I don't really hear Him telling me to do anything specific as of right now. Sigh. I feel sorta blahhhhh. I don't know, maybe this is what they call post-VSET syndrome or something. All I know is that I miss V-SET a lot already and often think of my students, my team, V-SET in general, Kyrgyzstan, China, and all that God's taught me this summer. And I would much much rather be back in Bishkek or Talas teaching English or EVing in Beijing than be here in the States... but maybe this is exactly where God is calling me to be right now.

So yeah... sorry to end on a gloomy note. But in any case, I will definitely be YARPIN' HARDDD (yarping = praying backwards... kinda got used to using camouflaged Christian lingo on V-SET) and it would be super appreciated if you could also be praying for me as well. Thanks! Oh, Sweet Jesus. I'm just so thankful for my Savior, Redeemer, Best Friend, Comforter, source of Undying Love, Hope, and Eternal Life.

By the way if you're reading this, I probably did/do miss you and want to catchup with you. Thank you for all your support and prayers this summer!

Going to Kyrgyzstan/China for V-SET

Twas "confirmed" tonight (what that means).

And PRAISE THE LORD!!! As of last Saturday, I have officially met my goal of fundraising $3,400 and EVEN fundraised extra!!! The surplus will be going towards other team members who are still short of funds. I have truly witnessed the perfect and bountiful provision of my Faithful Father.

WOWZAAS, ain't our God just sooooooo super amazingly gracious?!?

Leaving for Alpine Camp tomorrow for V-SET training and flying off on Monday, June 21 wayyyy early in the morning.

V-SET... HERE I COME! :D


Song of the Day: I Can Only Imagine - MercyMe

GOD IS SOOOOO AWESOME!!!!!

Yesterday I drove to Ms. Helen's house (she was my teacher for a long time at my home church and also at Chinese school when I was little) to pick up two sponsorship checks for V-SET: one from the Mission Task Force from my home church (Lutheran Church of the Holy Spirit) and one personal check from her.

When I got home and opened the envelope, my jaw dropped and my eyes popped open. The two checks amounted to $800 total!

WOWOWOWOWOWOWZERSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

God is soooooooooooooo sooper dooper amazzzingly awesome and good and faithful!!! He really does provide and He answered my prayers, even before I had prayed them outloud again after I realized I was so short of funds. I feel so undeserved yet soooo blessed am I!

Now I'm only $190 short of my goal but I have NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER that my God will surely meet my needs, as He already has been doing all along.

WHAT AN AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME GOD I HAVE!!!

$990 SHORT!

As of tonight, I'm $990 away from reaching my VSET fundraising goal! =(

Slightly disappointed because I thought I was only a couple hundred dollars away, considering I've been fundraising really hard and for quite a while now =/ Didn't realize I was nearly a thousand bucks away...

Well, just gotta keep PRAYING HARD and BELIEVING that God is my Faithful Provider and that the funds will come! One more week left... God, you got this!

Thanks a bunch to ALL who have supported me (financially and through prayer) thusfar! I surely appreciate it and am grateful to you all. Please continue praying for me and the rest of our VSET 2010 team. I know I will be! :D

June First Two Thousand and Ten

Today is June 1, 2010. Already. In less than half a month I will be serving the Lord overseas in Kyrgyzstan and China. Will I die? Will I get arrested? Only God knows...

Yesterday I officially moved out of my apartment and left Berkeley and moved back home to San Francisco. Twas quite sad. Bittersweet ='(

Went to the ortho today to check-up on my retainers. After that, walked down Polk Street to the Geary bus-stop. Thought of my Berkeley ICA peers. I went to Forever 21 (hah I wish!) to buy a few tank tops to wear underneath T-shirts. Figured that I'll probably be needing them on V-SET.

Then I went into Sephora, this huuuuge glamorous make-up store. Can't believe I'm saying this but I actually wanted to by some MAKE-UP! (Hey, every girl wants to be beautiful!) Went to the BareMinerals section. Had no idea how to apply that make-uppy powdery foundation stuff nor which ones you put on first second and third nor which ones I should buy nor which ones matched my skin tone and yadayadayada... Tried putting this pretty gliterry eye shadow stuff on my eyelids. WHOA BABY, I think I messed up.

Doode. I'm 22 and still never bought or owned my own make-up before. Nor do I know how to put make-up on. Kinda sad. Or maybe not.

I still believe that natural beauty is the best.

Nervous and Jittery

That was pretty much how I've been feeling all morning because I have this one last final exam this afternoon for Microbiology class =/ It's kind of strange because this past semester, I haven't really felt nervous or too anxious about midterms and exams for my classes (thankfully), and believe me, I've had MANY tests this past year. But for some reason, I'm quite nervous about my exam this afternoon. I think it's because at the back of my head, I feel like no matter how hard I try or study for this class, I'm still gonna do poorly on the test and just forget everything. Now I know it is not healthy and good to think this way, especially before an exam, but it's true. That's how I feel sometimes.

But anyway, I just read a blog-post by a sister who is currently studying abroad in China and MAN O MAN, I am so encouraged by what she wrote. It was so good that chills went down my body as I was reading. First of all, I'm just so thankful to God for placing such deep convictions in her heart to daily die to herself in order to love God wholeheartedly, because He alone is worthy and good.

Sacrificial love. Do I have that for my beloved God?

And suddenly it made me stop for a moment and re-evaluate myself and how I've been feeling lately, especially since college just ended for me and I graduated. I guess I've been feeling a bit more anxious in general lately because I'm afraid. Afraid that now that I'm a college grad, I might feel purposeless and aimless (even though I do have goals and aspirations and whatnot). Like, for instance, what if I don't get into nursing school? Or at least a "good" program or the school I want to go to, which I'm not even sure about as of now (UCLA? UCSF? Samuel Merritt?) If I don't get into/go to nursing school, I am sure my parents would be ultra disappointed and start wondering what's wrong with me and probably be upset. Then I'll feel pretty bad and start worrying about my future and not being able to find a steady job and not making money or being self-sufficient. And the bigger question is DO I EVEN WANT to go to nursing school? Now this scares me, because nursing was the next big thing that I've been "preparing for" in terms of meeting academic pre-requisites and volunteer experiences ever since I decided not to be pre-med anymore. And it's what I've been pretty much telling all those people who ask me "So what are your plans now that you've graduated?". I tell them that I'm hoping to go to nursing school, but deep inside I don't know REALLY. I mean, in my heart I can imagine myself being a nurse because I really do care a lot for people. But is that all it takes to be a good nurse, a caring heart? *sigh*

I know that I'm not the only one who's going through all these apprehensions and doubts in her head. And I also know that I'm not the only one who desperately needs to be re-centered and focused on what is really important. And that is God's calling. Now I'm not referring to "God's calling" as in what He's called us to do occupationally in life because I know He hasn't revealed that to some of us yet, but I mean His calling us to love Him constantly with our all our hearts and with all our souls and with all our minds. Meaning that we should only be filled with Christ and cleared of all the other clutter and junk that daily competes for the throne of our hearts. Whether it's thoughts of finances or career or spouse or grades or pride or acceptance or dream schools or impressing others... God wants those to be thrown aside so that He could have complete reign over our hearts and entirety.


God, this is my prayer today. I definitely want to learn to love You more and desire You above all things. Please draw me back to You, reel me back in and away from the evil lures and fleeting enticements that this temporary world has to offer. Please give me peace today and the faith to trust in You with all things, for You are good and Your ways are higher than mine.

In Jesus's name I pray, Amen.

Foul Mouth.

CRAP.

Lately, I've been finding myself muttering this bad word under my breath (and sometimes even outloud) A LOT A LOT.


Getting upset/frustrated at a situation.

CR@P.

Oversleeping and being late to work.

CR@P.

Spilling ketchup on my white shirt today.

CR@P.

Accidentally dropping a C&H sugar packet into my coffee.

CR@P.

Hurting my butt by sitting on my jagged keys that I didn't see on the chair.

CR@P.

Checking my final grades on Bearfacts and finding out I got one C and many Bs.

CR@PPPPP!

=/

I dunno about you but I consider "cr@p" an inappropriate word that is quite coarse-sounding and also does not really bring God any glory. (Plus I used to NEVER say it!) And it's just a vulgar way to say "poo". So why use it then? Along with the bajillion other swear words/profanity/inappropriate language? Well, these are just my beliefs. The Bible does teach us in Ephesians 4:29:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

And Ephesians 5:4 says:

Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.

I really need to watch my mouth and what comes out of it. Outloud and even under my breath.

ARGGH#^*WR#AWQ@!!!!@!###***@!!!!#$#%

FREAKING WANNA PUNCH A TREE OR KICK A WALL OR SCRREEAEEEAAMMMMM OUTLOUD RIGHTT NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TE8RUDFIJOFU9R93W08342849803498CM DFUIOJJJJJJJJJJJKKKSD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ouch.

Just apologized again to my boss Robert for being late and asked for his forgiveness of my tardiness. He totally called me out and gave me the "talk" about how when I "get out there in the real world", I can't be late going to work, etc etc etc. His face was red from anger, I think.

Really put me to shame.

Especially when I consider myself a pretty punctual person, as I really dislike it when people are late and I have to wait on them. Sigh, guess I have to work on being on time even more.

But thankfully, Robert said "it's okay" after I said sorry for like the 5th time and that he'll get over it. Then he apologized for coming off strong and "sounding so p*ssy".


I wanted to cry. ='(

Cafe Milano is Cool

I just took my 1-hr lunch break at Cafe Milano. Twas such a sweet time :] But now my boss is mad at me for being late back to work. First time that he's ever been mad-mad at me. It was because I enjoyed my time so much at Cafe Milano that I didn't want to leave so I was about 25 min late back to work. Now I feel really badly because my boss is really nice and I should have been on time. My bad :(

But to my surprise, I thoroughly enjoyed sitting there by myself on the upstairs of Cafe Milano - writing in my journal, enjoying the classical music from KDFC 102.1, popping curly fries dipped in ketchup and BBQ sauce that I bought from IB's into my mouth, sipping the super bitter House Coffee I bought...

I change my mind. Turns out that I do like cafes :D

btw, I'm such a weaksauce coffee-drinker. I used like 8 bags of C&H sugar for a cup of 16oz coffee.

I'm a CAL Grad ! =O)

Social Welfare Commencement - Saturday, May 15, 2010
6:30pm Zellerbach Auditorium

All glory to God for allowing me to make it to this joyous day! :D

Simpler Times For Life :D

Just came back from a reaaaaallly fun night with three of my beloved buddies. Us four are called the Simpler Times Crew haha. We used to be "Thursday night Gospel Choir buddies" because we'd always hangout at someone's apartment after our three-hour long choir rehearsals on Thursday nights.


I LOVE MY SIMPLER TIMES BUDDIES: Dawson, Vicky, and Andrew <3

WOW. Today (I mean Friday) was quite a sweet day. First off, the weather twas lovely outside. Always a lovely day when the sun is warm and shining :) I checked my email, broke fast by making 13-15 potstickers (had to call Daddy to ask him how to make em cuz I always get them burned for some reason), bought picture frames, went back to campus to print out colored pictures, and went back to my apt to work on picture collage-frames for my Simpler Times buddies. That took a good many hours (to the point that my back hurt and I had to lie down to rest for a bit before Vicky came to pick me up at ~9:45pm to go to Skates =P )

At Skates (this cool restaurant right by the bay with a beautiful view), we ordered Happy Hour foods: calamari, onion rings, and buffalo wings. The other three ordered specialty beers while I just stuck with water :]

Afterwards, we went to the Rose Garden (my first time!). TWAS reeeeally dark. We sorta played hide-n-go-seek. Andrew and Vicky split up from Dawson and me and started going down the dark steps deeper and deeper into the garden reeeally quickly, with Dawson and me (arms-linked) following behind. Frightened that they would jump out and scare that bejeebers outta us, which Andrew attempted and partially succeeded in doing =P

"I HAVE BAD NIGHT VISION AND DAWSON IS COLOR-BLIND!!!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Then we went to this nearby playground. Andrew, Dawson, and I slid down the cement slide with cardboard underneath our butts. Vicky was smart and sat out, claiming she is injury-prone. Dawson accidentally hit his head :( and started bleeding behind his ear. We all went back to his apt and I got to practice my nursing skills by disinfecting the wounded area with alcohol and Neosporin and apply a Bandaid =D Us four took a funny picture in the bathroom hahaha.

We spent the rest of the evening talking about STUFF and playing our FAVORITE GAME (Truth or Die) until some of us started getting tired/sleepy. We also LAUGHED OUT LOUD a lot a lot. I presented each of them their handmade gifts and explained that the reason I sat 15 minutes on the toilet at Skates was NOT because I was taking a dump but because I was writing them each a personalized message on the back of their frames :]

O SCHNAPS MAN. I'm truly becoming a night owl. Yesterday I also went to bed at like 4am working on Jeremy's birthday present. Today is also his 20th birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEREMYDANIELCHEN!!!

I feel like I'm going to pretty much be nocturnal until the end of May.

I'M GRADUATING TODAY!!!!! IN LIKE, 14 HOURS!!!

Doom Time...

... in a little more than an hour...


I. F E E L. S O. S C R * W E D.


and there's nothing i can do about it because it's my fault =(


o God of grace...

Ugh. I wish Jesus was my roommate.

ughhhh i wanna scream at someone!!!!!!!!!!!!

and i feel so scr*wed for my physio final tomorrow. so scr*wed.

cr@ppers!!!!! i just saw another slithery creepy crawly silver worm/buggie crawl across my desk and so i let out a startled yell!
2nd time tonight seeing a creepy bug (once at nehe's apt on the carpet, and now here) *shivers*

@#@$%^!!!!RE#$RF##!!!%#%$!~@@!!! T_______T

wut a baddddd night.

M U S T . P R E S S . O N .

come Jesus come.

=(

I Miss Large Group...

Awwww I miss ICA Wednesday night LG =(

Tonight (and right now) I'll be studying Human Physiology for tomorrow's exam. Yeesh, I'm doing quite poorly in that class =( Wouldn't it be sad if I bombed the final tomorrow? Please God, don't let me fail this class (nor do super poorly in it =/)

Man, I reeeeeely want some of those Kasugai Apple-flavored gummies right now... Mmmm Japanese candies...

If You Wanna Fall Asleep at Night...

... DON'T YOU EVER, EVER, EVERRRRR DRINK FULL THROTTLE DURING THE DAY!!!

NOR ANY SORT OF ENERGY DRINK. PERIOD!!!!!

GAHHHHHH I have to learn this lesson the hard way... =___=


[Just take a look at my sad, sleep-deprived, worn-out, fatigued face and you'll feel my pain D: ]

Basically, I supposedly "went to bed" like 4.5 hours ago but because I STILL cannot fall asleep, I guess I'll revert to studying for physio... meh... T______T

Super-Saturated in God's LovingGrace :]

Soooo I've been feeling super duper blessed lately because I find myself literally almost drowning (in a good way) in God's amazzzzzing grace! I feel like I'm just daily floating in a huuuuuuuge pond-lake-ocean-neverending-body-of-water (the water being GOD's LOVINGgrace). Mannnn GOD! Sooooo much grace, sooooo undeserved.


Counting my blessings:

-Helen lent me her graduation cap so I don't have to buy one :]

-Dawson and the brothers gave me 2 pieces of fried chicken last night. FOR FREE :]

-I get walked home even at insane hours like 4am in the morning :]

-even though I slept 4 hours, God pulled me through my 2 megatough finals today and gave me energy through an energy drink :]
(btw, had my first energy drink - Full Throttle - at 11:17am this morning. tasted like cherry-flavored cough syrup with bubbles. kinda good/nasty at the same time)

-Brandy gave me extra graduation tickets that I was desperately asking around for so now HomePie-B and 哥 can come to my graduation! :]

-I literally pretty much went BAM-BAM-BAM through the 100-questions on my SW Policy final this afternoon because THANKFULLLLLLLLLLLLLY last night Tammie and I spent HOURS in the library going over a 2005 practice final exam that was posted on Bspace (but without answers so we had to search for all of them -____-) and for soooome reason, a huuuuge portion of that practice final showed up on our ACTUAL final exam today. I was literally in shock but at the same time thankful (and a little nervous that I would've forgotten the answers but in the end, it's all good) :]

-bumped into a friend that I had met just this year who had just recently come to the States from China. over dinner on the steps, she told me that I am her friend, one of her few in America :]

-read a lonnnng-overdue letter from angiechong and I feel LOVED by her! :]

-I have a super loving mother and father who hold hands to pray for me constantly. soooo very touched in my heart :]

-Christine Wang dropped by and paid a quickie visit to my apartment and my (now messy) room tonight! I <3 Christine! We're attending each others' weddings fosho! :]



I'm a happy kid who's madly in love with God :]
上帝,我愛你! 但是我知道你愛我更多 <3

I feel nocturnal.

So I was walking home about half an hour ago down the dark quiet streets of Berkeley. Alone. Was I scared? Mmmm kinda, but at the same time not THAT much. I felt brave and bold (and hyper-vigilant). I snuck outta the Changs' apartment and purposely did not ask any of the brothers to walk me back cuz most of them were also cramming for finals tomorrow so I didn't wanna bother them. So I just quietly crept out the door, hoping no one would hear or notice. Up I walk on Blake in the middle of the street (no way was I gonna walk on the sidewalk at this late hour!), with my cell phone dialed-up to 911 in my right hand. Just in case.

About a block before I hit Telegraph, I hear the familiar sound of a bike coming up behind me. I turn around and lo and behold! Who do I see? None other than my faithful buddy the crazybumlunatic :]

At that moment when I saw Nehemiah, I felt 1)kinda upset at myself that my mission to walk home solo and not bother anyone had failed but also 2)relief and thanksgiving in my heart. Yeuppp, I give thanks to God for good friends in my life.

WOWOWZERS definitely a crazy finals week to remember foshurrrre.

4 More Days...

... until Jeremy Daniel Chen's 20th birthday!!! (and my graduation!)


Totalllllly bigtime cramming at Moffitt right now... just went through a 100-question practice social welfare policy final exam with Tammie -______- DOODE. TWAS SO HARD.

I hope I don't die tomorrow. Need energy and brains to kick 'em two finals in the tooshie HARDDDD (for GOD!). Prolly gonna hafta drink coffee. Which me no likey. Meh.

Nehemiah is a crazybumlunatic who is holding my 2 delicious KFC fried chicken pieces hostage.

I'm soooooo tiredddd and my back hurts =(

But despite everything, my heart is so thankful =)

5 More Days...

... until my graduation! Eeeeeck!

1 more day until my first finals... eeeeep!

*sigh* yet ANOTHER evening of going to bed late. Boy, do I feel nocturnal these days. Maybe I've been hanging around the wrong crowd... haha jk! =P I LOVE my ICA bros and sis. Mmmm sure studied with a lotta ppl at a lotta places today:

Moon - VLSB
Joe - VLSB/Eshleman
(sorta) Nehemiah, Brian, Jeremiah, Linda, Helen - Chang's apartment

Now it's time for precious shut-eye sleeptime. Sooooo much history of medicine and social welfare policy material to review tomorrow... HOPE that tomorrow passes by really slowwwwly...

Goodnight God.

STUDYSTUDYSTUDY

Dear God,

Even though I have a bunch of difficult finals (and A LOT of them - 5 total) this last finals block of my undergrad career, I thank You so much for even allowing me to "enjoy" the studying time that I get to spend with the people I love.

Please help me to remember You in the midst of this hectic time of cramming/studying, that I may still be able to seek You for strength and wisdom and put You above all else, that I may come to You daily through prayer and reading Your Word.

Love,
Frances


[studying at VLSB right now with my beloved unni Moonkyung :]

[studied at Eshleman library yesterday after banquet until 2:30am with Brian, Michelle, and Nehemiah :]

Studying on Saturday Morning

I'm at Moffitt Library right now. Woke up at 8:40am on a Saturday morning JUST to study for finals. WOW. But thankfully I was able to go to bed by 11:30pm last night.

Goal for today:
Study for Public Health 183
Study for Social Welfare Policy 112
Review as many Physiology slides as possible
Get my hair curled (for the first time!) by Priscilla
ICA end of the year BANQUET! :D


ONE MORE WEEK until my graduation... *dun dun dun*... x_X

It's Already May 7th...

OH SCHNAPS. My graduation is in 8 days and I don't have a graduation cap... still haven't found my SID card that's been missing all semester, nor have I replaced it yet... finals are next week, the closest one being in 4 days... V-SET is inching closer and closer... no idea what I'm doing in the fall... still have to research more on nursing schools... I'm getting older and older... Everything is coming to an end so soon =(

A sister just asked me on the walk home to my apt at what age I wanted to get married (heh, I guess marriage is something that's on both of our minds). I replied that hopefully I'll still be in my 20s when that day comes... But wow, 30 is just 8 years away, which actually is not THAT far away... Scarrrry... Hmmm I wonder who will be the one... but for now, I'm content with just Jesus, my First and True Love who will never disappoint me. But even after I get married, I hope that I will forever be content with just Jesus.

The past few evenings I've been studying late at the library or somebody's apartment or even at Cory Hall where the fancy schmancy EECS labs are. Been going to bed super late which is quite detrimental to my body and health =(

STUDEY PARTEY Pt.1 at my apartment


STUDEY PARTEY Pt.2 at Tim's lab


On a lighter note, I was able to go back home to SF on Tuesday night (May 4) to surprise Sam for his 13th birthday! I was quite rushed though because I had class until 6:30 and had to hurry back to my apartment to retrieve the AWESOME (and expensive) coffee crunch cake that I got from this super tight Japanese bakery. But PRAISE THE LORD, things came together and I was able to rush back to SF in time to pull off the surprise BIG TIMEEEE because not only was Sam surprised but so was Mom. And when Sam came out of his room and saw me standing right there in the kitchen, he was sooooo startled/caught off guard/surprised that he screamed like a girl hahaha! Wish I caught that on tape - twas a precious moment indeed.

Awww, how I've missed Sam!


Yeeeuup, this baby was DIVINE.


The signed collage poster that I made for Sam.


Cutting the MONSTER cake :]


Wowow, my little brother is now officially a teenager. And I think his voice is beginning to crack. My baby bro is growing up(!!!)... I feel :'( and :D at the same time...

Sam's 8th Birthday five years ago


There are soooooooooo many things going on in my life and in the lives of people around me at this time of year. Too fast... please slow down, time. But I guess there is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3). I pray that I am able to take in and respond well to all these things happening around me...

Last Day of Chinese 112

To get a synopsis and see awesome pictures of what went down during my final skit presentation for Chinese class, click on link below:

http://justinteng.wordpress.com/2010/05/02/last-class-of-college-%E4%B8%AD%E6%96%87112-chinese-112/

Definitely one of the best skits ever, in my opinion =P

Special thanks to God, Li Laoshi for being the best Chinese teacher at UC Berkeley, and my awesome groupmates: Justin, Rosalind, Julie, Xiangyi, and Kitty :]

Just for laughs, I have also uploaded the "Becoming Li Laoshi" video, which briefly documents my transformation into our Chinese teacher Li Laoshi (whose character I portrayed in the skit). My whole ensemble (WIG+cardigan+pants+scarf) actually pulled it off and made me resemble Li Laoshi! (perhaps a taller version of her =P)

Today Was the Last Day of Instruction

Boohoo. Today was the last day of official classes/instruction. While everyone is celebrating and rejoicing that it's the last day of school, I'm actually kinda sad because I really do love school =( *tears* Wow, I'm really gonna miss my classes/teachers/going to school every day. I'm gonna miss the life of being an undergrad. Well, I guess there's still more schooling for me afterwards (nursing) but it's gonna be different. Somehow I feel it's gonna be less fun, plus I'm not gonna get to see all my friends and classmates and the people I love around Cal campus =( POOEY.

But I guess it's time to move on... I must continue to trust that God has stuff in store for me in the future (Jeremiah 29:11). And it's gonna be EXCITING cuz life with Jesus is NEVERRRR BORRRRINGGGG!

On a lighter note: just biked to and back from the Berkeley Marina. Took about 2 hours or so. Twas sooooooooooo nice!!!!! The weather was superrrr lovely (I LOVE THE SUN!), although I couldn't find my sunglasses so I pray that I don't get eye cancer since that mighty yellow sun shone in my eyes for such a long time =/ I'm also pretty pooped. Okay, understatement. VERY POOPED. Especially my thighs. I could feel the lactic acid BURNNNNN in my muscles. Also haven't been getting enough sleep lately. But yeah, I LOVE BIKING :) Planning to do it more.

WOWOWOWZERS! It's nearing the end... two more weeks and then I GRADUATE! *dun dun dun* Determined to make every remaining day count and live it to the full, but not in a super crazy I'm-gonna-go-wild sense ofc! Booked weekend ahead, starting with last V-SET/Servant Leaders training tomorrow, followed by Senior Appreciation Dinner from the awesome sophomore class in the evening, hanging out with Bethany on Sunday after church, then planning to go to a Christian acapella concert (For Christ's Sake) at night... and ofc, cannot forget daily studying for my LAST SET OF COLLEGE FINALS!!! Must finish strongggg and with a BANG!

Thank you Jesus for holding my hand these past four years of college. I know you will continue to walk with me until the very end-end. Help me to continue to look to You.

Busy Stressful Weekend...

... but by now, I'm used to it. This semester, pretty much ALL my weekends have been super busy, but they haven't been stressful to the point that I feel like having a melt-down while pulling my hair out. In fact, every weekend has been quite eventful. Even FUN. But this weekend was quite stressful. With painful cramps. And tears. Plus an all-day planning meeting yesterday and today that drained me of much energy, leaving me with lots of unfinished homework and no time to finish. And now it's pretty late on a Sunday night and again, I'm stuck with having to finish writing my research paper and preparing a Chinese oral presentation, yet I'm running out of time... and I'm sleepy @________@

But despite everything, I still give praise and thanks to God. He has been so amazingly gracious and showed so much kindness to me today, this weekend, this past week (basically my entire life). And even though I'm feeling tired and worn out, I'm so glad and thankful that I can even praise God right now :]

What I don't like is the feeling of having to race against the clock. It's moments like these that I wish time would pass by slower... that every minute would last 120 seconds instead of a mere 60 seconds. And as of now, I'm more sad than excited to graduate from college. My graduation is in 3 weeks! Maybe I'll be more ready as graduating day inches closer and closer... but for now, gotta enjoy every last minute that's left at Berkeley.

Lastly, just want to say a big THANK YOU to Moonkyung Kim, Helen Wu, James Fullmer, Kendrick Wong, Justin Yu, Dawson Tang, Sally Wong, Mommy+Daddy... you guys know why. And know that I REALLY appreciate you :] And thanks also to anyone else out there who has been praying for me. If you can, please keep praying; I really need it and would greatly appreciate it! And lemme know if you would like some prayer as well. Good night and have a WONDER-FULL week! :D

Do Hard Things

That's the title of a Christian book that I heard was pretty good. But I never read it so I wouldn't know myself.

But tomorrow morning I'm going to do a hard thing. At least for me, it's a very difficult thing to do. Something that I thought a lot about the latter part of this week and prayed about. Something that I wasn't planning on doing until Wednesday night. In the end, I am still not 100% comfortable about doing it but I figure this is a chance for me to die to my own comfort for the sake of showing love and support to a sister whom I love. This is a chance for God to stretch me so that I will be better prepared to face even harder things in the future.

Please pray for me. Please pray that I may have peace, that I need not feel fear or awkwardness or anxiety or discomfort. Please pray that I may focus on Him and be able to worship Him in full and in truth.

Again, I am just reminded that it's all about God. It's all about God and His gaze upon me. I could care less about what man might think or say.


Psalm 46:1 - God is [my] refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Conversation with Daddy

20:59. That's how long I spent talking to daddy just at first, which already means a lot to me because he can be a man of few words sometimes. Or sometimes when we talk, I get the feeling that he's not interested in listening to what I want to say. He just came back last night from Macau/Hong Kong. My grandfather recently passed away so he went back to spend time with my grandma. I haven't talked to dad for almost three weeks and have missed him dearly. I really enjoyed and appreciated our conversation today. It really was very pleasant. I wish all our talks could always be like the one we had, with the same kind of love, caring, willingness, patience, and God-centeredness.

My favorite part of the conversation was towards the end when we were about to hang up:

Dad: (in Chinese) Okay, goodbye. Take care of yourself. (then in English) I... I love you.

Ting-Ting (happily touched): I LOVE YOU TOO! DADDY I'M SO GLAD YOURE BACK! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!

Dad: I miss you too.

:)

ugh coffee...

At the SLC right now cramming for my midterm this afternoon. Its been another crazy busy week with many assignments and little sleep. After LG last night something came up (actually quite a few things) that stayed on my heart which prevented me from studying right away. Im praying about that thing(s) to this day. I'm drinking coffee right now just to keep myself awake. Feels like drinking poison. Normally I only put a little bit of coffee (like 1/5 of cup) and a while lotta milk (if and when I do drink coffee, which is seldom) but today was the total opposite. So right now I'm drinking super strong coffee, at least for me.

All I wanna do right now is get my exam over with (but do okay on it ofc) and going to sleep. I am soooo sleepy right now! God please show me Your grace right now and this afternoon.

I Love My Family

Sitting at my desk at work sucking on a cherry Jolly Ranger lollipop that Sam gave to me on Saturday from Golfland. I couldn't have asked God for a sweeter, more thoughtful little brother than Sam.

My mom is also the greatest, most loving, generous, compassionate, God-fearing, prayer warrior woman that I know. We talked on the phone last night for an hour and if it wasn't for the massive amount of schoolwork I had to do, we could've gone on longer. I never tire from talking with mom :)

And yay, tomorrow daddy is FINALLY coming back from Macau/Hong Kong. I wonder what he bought me... hahaha jk! I miss him and look forward to hearing his voice on the phone!



At the end of the day, family is the bestest most precious thing that I have (next to Jesus, of course).

GOD IS SOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOD!!!

OH GOD'S GOODNESS. I AM SPEECHLESSLY REJOICING IN MY HEART RIGHT NOW!!! A miracle just happened...

So I basically came home after a looooong, tiring, but super fun and worth-it day (see previous post) about 1.5 hours ago. After I showered, I plop down on the couch, ready to resume working on my public health paper.

But a couple minutes ago, I checked my Calmail (which I should have checked earlier this evening) and found out that my huge public health paper research paper (topic: Rickets and Vitamin D deficiency), which was originally due this Monday April 19, is POSTPONED A WEEK AND NOW DUE ON APRIL 26!!!!! ^_________^

And then, before I found this out, I had received another email from Li Laoshi saying that we have no Chinese class this Monday because she is sick with pneumonia (poor Li Laoshi) but class will resume Wednesday. What this means for me is that my important research paper for Chinese + article reading + Chinese homework + Chinese test is all NOT due on Monday but rather, Wednesday!!!

WOWOWOWOW, God You are TRULY AMAZING!!! Soooo much grace, and what did I do to deserve this?!? I almost cannot believe it!!! This makes me so happy because:

1) I no longer have to pull an all-nighter tonight to work on my paper
2) I have more time to accomplish all the assignments I have and (hopefully) actually produce quality work
3) I can definitely attend the Starfield concert tomorrow night without feeling guilty or constantly thinking about work at the back of my head! :DDDDDD!!!


I know what I'm going to share tomorrow morning during our Time of Thanksgiving at church service :] THANK YOU GOD!

Awesome Day :)

What an awesome day I had today!!! ~Saturday, April 17, 2010~

Woke up at 9:30am (slept an average of 3-4 hours PER DAY the past week -___-)
Cooked breakfast for Sam (Sam loved the veggie burger)
Went to Cal Day with Sam, got some freebies :]
Went to review session for Microbio at BCC
Rushed home to eat lunch (Sam loved my organic marinara pasta)
Went mini-golfing at Golfland with ICA in Castro Valley
Won a bunch of tickets from playing the arcade games (Sam did) and redeemed many cutesy prizes and lollipops
Went to Danny and Akemi's for the *afterparty*
Ate mini corn dogs, taquitos, red bell peppers, sugar cookies that Sam and mommy baked for ICA, chicken
Sat inside Danny and Akemi's closet to "work on my public health paper*" (epic fail, it's due on Monday and I'm still on Page 1...)
Sang worship sings with Helen and Moon while William played guitar
Played guitar with William
Played/learned guitar with Danny! He tried to teach me *striking/muting*
Got attacked by flying pillow thrown by Mike (got him back gooood with a bigger and heavier pillow, although I also unintentionally attacked innocent Nehemiah along the way =P)
Took lots of pictures of everyone

And now, I'm back in the closet again, attempting to work more on my paper after I finish writing this post.

But God, just want to say THANK YOU for such a blessed day, for all the fun. So super happy that Sam is having such a blast too. SUCH A BLAST. God, You really do complete me and give me so much joy, and for that I worship you forever! :D

Biking Through the Spring Breeze

Went on my first real bike ride through Berkeley with my neighbor Gabe today. WEEEEE!!! IT WAS SOOOOO MUCH FUN!!! I thoroughly LOVED it... the feeling of doing something healthy for your body (biking is considered a type of "exercise" or "sport", you know?) and sparing the air of poisonous fumes (were I to drive instead), the gentle wind against my face, the lovely weather and the green trees and Spring atmosphere with blue skies and white clouds and the setting sun with a clear view of our Campanile bell tower in the distant... it was almost perfect. And I felt like being a kid again, just like when I was little, riding my tricycle through Golden Gate Park with my parents. :D

I LOVE biking :] Now I've got only one month left to enjoy this awesome hobby in Berkeley while I'm still here. Gonna try to use up this remaining month to the MAX!

Wanna go biking with me?

Graduation is Near

As of yesterday, I will be graduating in exactly ONE MONTH. May 15, 2010. 6:30pm, Zellerbach Auditorium. Lemme know if you wanna come and I can try to get you tickets.

I'm still having some difficulty wrapping my brain around the fact that I will no longer be an undergraduate college student in ONE MONTH. Scary. Exciting. I have no idea what will happen afterwards... CRAZY!

Yet I choose to TRUST IN THE LORD. Can't ever go wrong with doing that.

Jeremiah 17:7-8 and Proverbs 3:5-6

The End is Near

The end of college for me, that is. Well, the end of my undergrad years at least. Hopefully (God willing) I can go onto graduate school sometime in the near future, namely nursing school.

Yesterday I bought my tassle. *tear* Mannn the tassle itself was only $8 but I ended up paying $13 because in order to get the drop-down button thingy that actually says "Class of 2010", you need to pay more. HOW LAME -_____- That little dinky button thingy should not cost $5 bucks. And as I was in the Cal Student Store, I looked around and saw all these COOL CAL MEMORABILIA and I wanted them. Wanted ALL of them. MUAHAHAHA! hehe but everything was super duper expensive, plus I figured I didn't really NEED anything. I just WANTED it. Especially a Cal waterbottle!!!!! But THAT I might actually need since I do not have a usable, sturdy, good water bottle at the moment. Please go on sale...

And right now I'm working on my very last Social Welfare policy paper of my undergrad career. Writing about low-income children and their lack of access to health care, which is a social problem that I am passionate about. Also examining SCHIP (State Children's Health Insurance Program), which is a dominant policy that addresses this area. Even though it's a pretty tough research paper, I'm trying to savor the process of researching and writing. Tough grader, too, as Professor Terrell is a Professor Emeritus who has tons and tons of Social Welfare policy experience under his belt. Also the author of one of our texts. (Such a cute old man btw, you should come to my SW112 lectures and see for yourself!)

Wow, what a full week this week, one of more to come in fact. 2 midterms, 2 papers, busy weekdays, booked weekends, little sleep.

Please continue to pray for Kyrgyzstan!

I'm going to start saying this over and over again in my posts to come but here goes the first time: I'M REALLY GONNA MISS CAL!!!!!

Sunday Lunch

It's pouring rain outside right now. YAY!!! Wow, can't believe that I'm actually glad it's raining because I normally am not too fond of the rain. But yeah... I don't really mind it if it rains for the next two weeks... but I hope that rains will cease after April 22. Carrying umbrellas and wearing boots is actually kind of... fun haha! And the sound of raindrops falling from the sky is actually pretty neat.

So I just had lunch at Sun Hong Kong with Moon, Mike, David, Akemi, Danny, Tim, Vieng, Sung, Sally, and Nehemiah. I'm really going to miss this lunch-after-church-service tradition when I graduate =( I love eating with the people I love, just talking and catching up and enjoying (good) food together. Just like a family :D

I guess I won't necessarily have to "miss" it if I decide to stick around or stay in ICA. Wherever God leads. For now, I'm just going to give thanks and enjoy every moment until the end.

Chill Day

Broke fast this morning at 9am but ended up having diarrhea... twice =/

Was feeling quite famished last night but this morning I felt pretty okay. I think I could've lasted more than 30 hours w/o food but I figured I outta eat something since I would be taking a Chinese test for a couple hours later and needed energy for that. So I cooked three eggs and some corn and had some orange juice.

This morning from 9:30-11:30am I took this fancy-schmancy "Test of Proficiency-Huayu" along with my other "gao-ji" classmates (as Li Laoshi calls us). The exam actually costs $30 per student but we didn't have to pay (I think it's b/c of our "UC Berkeley" status). Twas quite a difficult exam with 120 questions, and I was at about #95 when they called time so I had to bubble in whatever at the end for ~25 questions... HOW LAME -_____- The listening part was difficult because they speak quickly and do not repeat the questions. And since I'm a native Cantonese speaker, sometimes I don't understand what the words mean in Mandarin. And now I feel that my Cantonese has sorta worsened because of Mandarin (I start saying stuff in Cantorin now). But I guess the cool part after the exam was that they let us keep the cool black pencils we used during the test :D

Right now I'm at the East Asian Library (after having gone to both VLSB AND Doe libraries, only to find that they're closed).

Have a feeling that today is gonna be pretty mellow and chill for me, which is fine since I have a ton of assignments and writing to do. The weather outside is quite gloomy as well, gray skies and cold air. I actually kinda hope that it pouring rains. Rain all that it wants until April 25 (or whenever daddy comes back from Macau).

Drawing near to my sweet Jesus during this TAWG.

Never Done Its

Things that I have never done or experienced before as of April 2010 (what I can think of at the moment):

1) Wear nail polish
2) Cheat (like copy homework or cheat on a test)
3) Drink beer, smoke, or do drugs
4) Have a boyfriend*
5) Do extreme sports like skiing, bunjy-jumping, sky-diving
6) Dye my hair
7) Go to a bar
8) Get a ticket (for speeding, parking, etc)
9) Forget my parents' or Sam's birthdays
10) Have hair as short as a boy's
11) Go without food for over 30 hours*
12) Ride a motorcycle*
13) Own a car!!!***
14) Be REALLY surprised or WOWed*
15) Watch a whole episode of Pokemon
16) Finish reading any of John Piper's books*
17) Buy popcorn (nor any concession foods) at the movies
18) Have a pet besides fish or guppies
19) Buy a purse or handbag (the girly kind)*
20) Hate someone to the point that I never want to forgive or talk to them again


...I'm sure there are more but that's all I can think of so far...



*These are things that I have not done/experienced YET but would like to someday :D

My Parents Will Flip...

... if they find out how many times I've (accidentally!) dropped my phone. And each time I do, I feel soooo badly and my heart cringes because I REALLY don't mean to be careless and clumsy. For some reason, my phone just "slips" outta my hand and falls to the floor... or someone walks by and their backpack hits my hand (which so happens to be holding my phone at that very moment) and sends my phone flying across the cement (happened on my way to work Wed)... or I put my backpack on a chair and my phone slides outta the side pocket onto the hard floor (happened in the bathroom at school today)... or Sam drops it at a restaurant (happened last week in Berkeley, I think)...

AISH.

In any case, so SORRY phone!


Today I'm fasting, or trying to. Food and semi-media fast. God, I want to look at You and focus on You today.

Random Happenings Today

I have this huge painful magenta bruise on my right hand above my wrist. Some punk walked by me down in lower Sproul today and his skateboard hit my hand HARD. And he didn't even turn around to say sorry. Owwwey... it really hurts. ='( Already have to wear a wrist brace on my left arm due to inflammation of the nerves (aka pre-carpel tunnel syndrome) and now this. Grrreat...


On my way to the post office today to snail mail some VSET support letters (and a T-shirt for James), I found a dime on the floor.


On my way to the VLSB library from the post office, I found a nickel on the floor.


Yay, someone sponsored me $20 for VSET today! PTL! :D


Bumped into someone whom I haven't seen or talked to in awhile and we got to catch up for a bit :] He told me he got a great internship this summer that would pay $10K. WOWZERS, praise the Lord for opening so many doors for him!


Gchatted with Sam online today. He's 12 (turning 13 next month!) but still soooooo cute! Always gonna be my baby brother in my heart... even when he's like 52! Haha okay, I take that back... maybe not baby brother but little brother forsure.


During Gospel choir, one of my fellow Soprano II friends turned around (she was sitting in the row in front of me) and asked me:

Friend: Frances, do you know if they sell underwear at Walgreen's?

Me (alarmed): WHAT?!

Friend: Like anything, Hanes? Fruit of the Loom?

Me (still a bit shocked that she would ask such a question outloud): Ummmmm, I think so. You should try Target...

Friend: I ran out. I need underwear right now because I don't have time to do laundry.

*silent giggles and laughter*


Ughhh I really was NOT going to vote this time in the ASUC elections but after thinking about it a lot and talking to some people who I really trust and respect, I decided to vote. I entrust the coming years of UC Berkeley in God's hands.

FORGIVE. LOVE. BE HUMBLE.

These are some of the major lessons God has been teaching me over the past few days. Some moments it's easier to do, and then there are those times when it's super hard and you just wanna do the exact opposite. Instead of forgiving, you wanna hold a grudge and bear resentment. Instead of loving, you wanna hate (or intensely dislike) and be mean or reciprocate the evil act. And instead of being humble, you wanna be proud and self-centered and make it all about you.

But God is really challenging me to do things His way, which is the BEST way. He's really challenging me to forgive and accept, to show love and grace just as Jesus did, and to humble myself before God with a broken spirit so that I can meet with Him. Thank you, God, for all these valuable lessons you are teaching me, for never failing to use any and every opportunity to have me learn something, to grow me in my character.

Though I was very fatigued and suffered from a terrible headache and back pain today, God really blessed the time of discipleship that I had with Sally today. I was also very moved by David's message tonight at Large Group. So good!

Thank you for the sun today, God. I cannot wait until the days of summer with the warm sunny bright yellow SUN! :D

WOWZ...

This morning, I am wearing my gray CSF State Championships sweatshirt that I've had since senior year of high school. It's actually one of my favorite sweatshirts of all time because it always reminds me of the time when my varsity girls 4x100m relay team made it to the Track and Field State Trials during my senior year at Lowell and how I got to run anchor (4th leg). However, we totally got pulverized during trials (dead last... literally smoked) and did not stand a chance of making it into the finals. But it was still super cool because AT LEAST we even made it to trials, and I think our coach was super glad because we hadn't made it to state trials for the past 7 years or something like that.

I'm actually quite thankful for the many fond memories and experiences I had during my senior year of high school. And now, four years later, I'm a senior in college making more fond memories and experiences (as well as bad ones). What a blessing!

But getting back to the "WOWZ" part... so I'm sitting here at my desk at work as I notice that the sleeves of my sweatshirt are EXTREMELY dirty. I see brown chocolate stains as a result of somebody wiping his mouth on my sleeve (!!!!!), yellow highlighter mark, and just grayish stuff creating the impression of extremely dirty sleeves... eckkkkk! I am embarrassed to walk around in this sweatshirt today with such dirty sleeves because when it comes to hygiene, I am NOT a dirty girl! Aish, I hope nobody notices...

The one responsible for this is a little 12-year old boy who goes by the name of SammyBoy, whom I lent my sweatshirt to this past weekend while he was in Berkeley.


Thanks a lot, Samuel -______-

Emotionally Drained

1) roommate drama
2) possibly not going to China this summer for missions
3) beginning to get sick/under the weather
4) finding out last minute that daddy is going to be in Hong Kong/Macau for 2.5 weeks and lacking accessible mode of communication (maybe no phone or Internet)
5) sudden death of friend's father
6) getting angry, feeling jipped, carrying a heavy heart, crying tears

Need to cling onto John 16:33 and FOCUS ON JESUS. Lord, help me to persevere and help me to look to You.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

His Resurrection

...brings salvation, life, and eternal hope to mankind!!!

So thankful for my awesome high-quality super duper cool ICA brothers: Mike Thai, Brandon, Nehemiah, Tim, and Jeremiah for taking care of Sam today and being so hospitable and showing so much kindness and grace. I REALLLLLLY appreciate and love you guys from the bottom of my heart. And I had a ton of fun eating, playing, "trying to be sarcastic and bad like Mike", laughing, and just having genuine fellowship with you all tonight. THANK YOU :]


THANK YOU FOR THE CROSS, Jesus Christ! Happy Easter everyone, Jesus is risen indeed!

Letter From Sam(What is up!!!!)

Dear Sister,

Since you are graduating, you should get a boyfriend. See what guy you like and hang out with him. I do not want to get married, so you will be the person who passes on the family line.


So, Sorry!!!!:> You are the only one getting married. Sammyboy

His Death + Isaiah 53

Right now I'm in Moffitt Library (the underground mainstacks area) studying with Christine. I just had lunch at Gypsy's with Sam, Linda, and Helen (Dawson and Christine joined us a little later).

I think I'm beginning to get sick, probably because of stress and being a bit under the (rainy) weather. My throat felt kinda funky when I woke up this morning, plus I'm feeling slightly headachy and sore and fatigued, and I've been blowing my nose all day and it feels hot inside my nasal cavity.

Today is Good Friday. About 2000 years ago, Someone died a painful death on a cross. You could call it an "unjust" death, since He did absolutely nothing wrong to deserve it (nor any of the ridicule, floggings, torture, and sufferings beforehand). Those who are ignorant may think of what He did as sillyness or stupidity. But me, I see His death as the ultimate act of love and sacrifice from God and utterly perfect obedience of the Son.

For it was the death of Jesus Christ (and His RESURRECTION three days later!) that brought forgiveness of sins and salvation of souls to mankind.

Isaiah 53

5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.

Adventures with Sam =)

Gee whiz, boy am I super duper tired and sleepy.

I actually went to bed at 6:30am this morning, meaning that I didn't really sleep at all "last night" but rather, at the crack of dawn this morning. The reason for this was I was typing up this take-home assignment for my Microbiology class, which ended up being 6 pages and took a looooong time, though I did learn a great deal about MRSA (Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus aureus ), which is a pretty nasty bacterial disease, as well as other bacterial diseases that invade the respiratory tract.

I can't believe I slept at 6:30 and woke up at 9:30 this morning. Only three hours of sleep. WOW. I literally felt like -______- all day. But I'm pretty content right now because I'm in my apartment with my little brother, Sam. I love him sooooooooo super duper much. He's on his Spring Break and as promised, he's staying with me at Berkeley and sleeping over for a few nights. He's very excited to be here in Berkeley. Ooooh and this morning on my loooong bus ride to SF, I prayed for a lot of people. For my mom, dad, Sam, Jessel and her family, the rest of senior year and that I seek God's will, and for my brothers. 'Twas quite a pleasant time communicating with God :D

So today I brought Sam to my Microbiology lecture as well as Gospel Choir. In between the day, we ate dinner at McDonald's. We also went to Yogurtland because Sam reallllly wanted frozen yogurt (even though he's not really supposed to eat cold stuff since he has asthma and has to use albuterol). It just brings me so much joy being with Sam. He is such a happy, energetic, expressive, sweet kid who loves to have fun and often times brightens my mood. Today he taught me what a "NORK" is: a nerd that can contaminate you and lower your rank. HAHAHA!

What a busy week back from Spring Break. Finally a little bit of down time to unwind. Right now I'm importing some awesome CDs (generously lent to me by my friend David from Socal) onto my iTunes, which I'm gonna transfer later onto my iTouch. YAY! I'm so excited for new worship songs!!! I really like Jeremy Camp, Hillsong, Starfield, Lincoln Brewster (but they are definitely NOT my idols or anything)... and there's this dude/band Leland which I don't really know yet but I guess I'll check him/them out...

I'm glad that Sam's here for the next few days. Looking forward to going on adventures with my little brother.

7 minutes until April!!!

[GASP]

Ahhhhhhhhhh time is passing by sooooooo faaaaast!!!!!

I'm at Unit 2 (computer center) studying with Dawson right now. He's reading Cambridge History of China and I'm typing up a microbiology assignment on MRSA (Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus aureus). Robert Kuo and Brian Tang are also here studying their own stuff.

I'm definitely going to miss these times of studying with people after I graduate from college...

My Thoughts On Hair

So I'm at work right now. My first task is usually to check and respond to all emails (Mannn as I opened up Safari, there were 96 emails in the inbox today! Took me over an hour to get through all that.) I work in the Art Dept on UC Berkeley campus on Mon mornings and Wed afternoons. So this past Monday I called in early and left a voicemail to inform my boss that I couldn't come in for work because I just had wayyyyyy too much leftover work that I did not complete over Spring Break >.< So this afternoon, my boss Robert tells me that I sounded so different on the phone... he says that I sounded older, like a 28-year old from LA but that I sound much younger in person. HAHAHA!

YAY! Praise the Lord! So today my group finally did our koutoubaogao (oral presentation) in Chinese class about Lushan, which is this super famously beautiful and majestic mountain in Jiangxi province in China. Li Laoshi (my teacher who is super qualified to teach Chinese and who has high expectations for her students) COMPLIMENTED our group (rare event!) and said that we did a good job! She especially liked the way we presented the information on Lushan, how we used "conversational" Chinese and vocab and phrases that our audience could understand as opposed to some groups who used super fancy and scholarly Chinese words and sentences that she claimed were probably copied off of Chinese-Wikipedia =P PTL!

So ummm I just realized that my hair seems to be super straight today, but I really didn't do anything out of the ordinary to it. Just washed it last night as usual with Dove shampoo and conditioner (my favorite!) and blew-dry afterwards. I've had girls ask me if I straighten my hair. My response is always nope. I don't even own a hair straightener! Sometimes I wish my hair WASN'T that naturally straight. And now that my hair is growing out and is super long and straight, sometimes it looks quite plain and dead -___- And my hair is also super thick. When I was younger, I wished that I had thin hair like all the other girls. Sometimes I wish my hair was more voluminous and wavy and ALIVE-looking hehe...

Okay okay, time to come back now, Frances... Actually, instead of wishing my hair was this way or that, I should be THANKFUL that I even HAVE any hair, especially as I remember many people out there who are suffering from diseases or undergoing treatments that cause hair loss :( Right now I'm growing out my hair and am planning to chop it off and donate it a 4th time before I go on missions this summer. I usually donate to an organization called Locks of Love, which is a non-profit organization that provides hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children suffering from medical hair loss. But if any of you know of any other worthy causes or organizations to which I can donate my hair, please lemme know!

But yeah, I still don't get how girls (and guys?) can spend hours in front of the mirror in the mornings fixing their hair. To me, that's SUCH a waste of time... Plus, hair is nothing but just a bunch of dead cells made of keratin, which should not be worth that much of our time.

If you ask me, Jesus is wayyyyyyy more worthy of our time than our hair =]