7 minutes until April!!!

[GASP]

Ahhhhhhhhhh time is passing by sooooooo faaaaast!!!!!

I'm at Unit 2 (computer center) studying with Dawson right now. He's reading Cambridge History of China and I'm typing up a microbiology assignment on MRSA (Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus aureus). Robert Kuo and Brian Tang are also here studying their own stuff.

I'm definitely going to miss these times of studying with people after I graduate from college...

My Thoughts On Hair

So I'm at work right now. My first task is usually to check and respond to all emails (Mannn as I opened up Safari, there were 96 emails in the inbox today! Took me over an hour to get through all that.) I work in the Art Dept on UC Berkeley campus on Mon mornings and Wed afternoons. So this past Monday I called in early and left a voicemail to inform my boss that I couldn't come in for work because I just had wayyyyyy too much leftover work that I did not complete over Spring Break >.< So this afternoon, my boss Robert tells me that I sounded so different on the phone... he says that I sounded older, like a 28-year old from LA but that I sound much younger in person. HAHAHA!

YAY! Praise the Lord! So today my group finally did our koutoubaogao (oral presentation) in Chinese class about Lushan, which is this super famously beautiful and majestic mountain in Jiangxi province in China. Li Laoshi (my teacher who is super qualified to teach Chinese and who has high expectations for her students) COMPLIMENTED our group (rare event!) and said that we did a good job! She especially liked the way we presented the information on Lushan, how we used "conversational" Chinese and vocab and phrases that our audience could understand as opposed to some groups who used super fancy and scholarly Chinese words and sentences that she claimed were probably copied off of Chinese-Wikipedia =P PTL!

So ummm I just realized that my hair seems to be super straight today, but I really didn't do anything out of the ordinary to it. Just washed it last night as usual with Dove shampoo and conditioner (my favorite!) and blew-dry afterwards. I've had girls ask me if I straighten my hair. My response is always nope. I don't even own a hair straightener! Sometimes I wish my hair WASN'T that naturally straight. And now that my hair is growing out and is super long and straight, sometimes it looks quite plain and dead -___- And my hair is also super thick. When I was younger, I wished that I had thin hair like all the other girls. Sometimes I wish my hair was more voluminous and wavy and ALIVE-looking hehe...

Okay okay, time to come back now, Frances... Actually, instead of wishing my hair was this way or that, I should be THANKFUL that I even HAVE any hair, especially as I remember many people out there who are suffering from diseases or undergoing treatments that cause hair loss :( Right now I'm growing out my hair and am planning to chop it off and donate it a 4th time before I go on missions this summer. I usually donate to an organization called Locks of Love, which is a non-profit organization that provides hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children suffering from medical hair loss. But if any of you know of any other worthy causes or organizations to which I can donate my hair, please lemme know!

But yeah, I still don't get how girls (and guys?) can spend hours in front of the mirror in the mornings fixing their hair. To me, that's SUCH a waste of time... Plus, hair is nothing but just a bunch of dead cells made of keratin, which should not be worth that much of our time.

If you ask me, Jesus is wayyyyyyy more worthy of our time than our hair =]

Encouraged

Today I awoke at 6:45am to the sound of my cell phone alarm. Not surprisingly, I snoozed for 20 more minutes but knew I had to get up soon so I can cram more for my human physiology midterm which would take place at 8:10am. I was super duper sleepy and my eyes were like clam shells that did not want to open up, but my will was finally able to overcome my body as I lugged myself out of bed.

So (as kinda expected) the test was not so great. I definitely did a lot of guessing for about half the exam (there was a total of 50 questions). I was not sure about my answers for many of them but was TOTALLY uncertain about 11 questions, by the side of which I made little tick marks on the scantron. But praise the Lord that the test is over, and even though I do feel this feeling of disappointment and =/ in my heart, I just pray that God shows me His grace and helps me to be able to own up to whatever grade I end up getting, especially since I was quite under-prepared for this test. I also pray that I may be a good steward of my time for the rest of today and this week, as I have a lot of work to get done.

Hey, the sun has moved out of the clouds. I see some sunlight outside my window, though it's not like the super bright yellow that I love but hey, better than rainfall.

So yeah, even though I'm super duper drained of energy, fatigued, and sleepy right now, I'm pretty encouraged by the kindness and love God has shown to me immediately right after my test. The first person I talked to was Mom (who has a day off from work today) and she's usually always a good source of encouragement and support for me. Second was my friend Chris from Cal Poly SLO. Sometimes I call him President Choi :] He gave me a verse from Jeremiah 17:7-8 to encourage me. Ah, what a refreshing passage from the Word. And as I was looking at these two verses from Jeremiah, I saw the two verses in 9-10 that follow it - another comforting affirmation from God.

Perhaps I shall do my QT today through Jeremiah 17 and take just a liiittle detour off of 1 Corinthians and Deuteronomy (which I have been doing my Quiet Times through).


Jeremiah 17:7-10
7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

9 The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?

10 "I the LORD search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve."


Super Cool Ninja from my friend's car
I really like this, especially the white styrofoamy scarf thingy around his neck - so cute! :D Plus, it reminds me of my Gmail background.

Slightly Burdened

God, why I am such a jerk? I just lost my patience with Mom over the phone. Ughhh what a horrible feeling of remorse after she hung up, especially as I went to the kitchen to prepare dinner, which so happened to be deliciously homecooked food that I had brought back from Spring Break, made with love by her =( I think Mom was understanding and gracious, despite my rude impatience and tone, because she knew I was feeling a little bit stressed, especially since I've been lacking good sleep (average 4-5 hours the past few nights and last night) and my Spring Break literally flew by and it was NOT really restful nor as productive as I had hoped it would be since I was quite busy and went to LA for meeting/hangout. And tomorrow I have a midterm for physiology which I'm quite nervous about since I don't really think I grasp all the concepts yet. Plus a Chinese oral presentation on Wed (which we were supposed to present today but ran out of time to =/ ). And within the next 2 weeks I have THREE looooong research papers due. Plus booked weekends.

There are only 5 weeks left of school, and it really feels like it's all downhill from here, as in MAJOR CRUNCH TIME for me. Soooo much work and assignments and tests piling up, plus graduation is around the corner, and mission training/preparing for VSET as summer approaches, and I haven't nearly had time to do the many things that I wanted to do in Berkeley before I leave (esp this being my last semester of college) as well as things that I NEED to do (i.e. job search, nursing school apps/pre-reqs, letters of recs, planning for next year, etc). Suddenly for the first time this semester I begin to feel slightly overwhelmed/nervous about how much I have to do and how on Earth will I find time/manage to complete everything and everything well? Not to mention have time to hangout with friends and have fun and enjoy life these final days of senior year? Will I be able to finish strong?

But I know: Philippians 4:13.

And lately my mind's been sorta bothered by this one thing. Sometimes I feel like it consumes me. Sometimes I think of it intentionally, sometimes I try hard not to but it's still on my mind subconsciously and haunts me. Sigh. God, help me to surrender. Lift this thing off me. Do liberate, please.

Wow. What a blahhhhh Monday. First day back from Spring Break, not so hot (both in the figurative AND literal sense).

Doing my QTs right now and just read Psalm 27 outloud, which made me tear up. Whatever happens now, tomorrow during my midterm, throughout the course of these 5 weeks of school, this summer on VSET, in the future...

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

If you're reading this, PLEASE pray for me. That would be greatly appreciated (and much needed)! and PLEASE read Psalm 27 (entire chapter).

You Know There's Something Wrong With Me When...

1) I'm quite silent
2) I don't smile
3) I turn down an opportunity to drive
4) I'm not cheerful and enthusiastic
5) I refuse to go and play/hangout with friends
6) I take many deep breaths and sighs
7) You look at my face and it just doesn't seem "normal"

Basically if I'm mellow for more than one day and it's not because of typical fatigue or school stress, then something's up.

UGHHHHH it's Spring Break and I still have to do so much homeworkkkkkkk. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????!!!!!!!!!

(okay, done with all the whining/complaining for the day and ready of do some work now so I can REALLY enjoy the rest of break!)

(Cool) Things That Happened This Week

-got stuck in an elevator for around 6-7 minutes
-was able to checkout books from the Social Welfare library without my student ID card because I had lost it
-laid on the grass under the warm, yellow, shining sun
-evangelized on campus
-had a McChicken and FRENCH FRIES from McDonald's
-got an 86 on my Chinese exam, which is improvement compared to my previous scores
-finallllly reunited with my bike, which I look forward to riding very soon
-got to hangout a bit with William, whom I haven't seen in over two years
-after prayer and guidance, finally "confronted" someone about something that has been bothering me for a while
-tried pizza from Cheeseboard for the first time
-was able to go to Sam's track meet and cheer him on in the 200m
-Daddy helped rub Bengay on my left hand/arm because I have pain due to inflammation of the nerves
-hungout with Sam on Saturday: brought him to Solo/Ensemble festival, watched him perform (chorus and violin), brought him to his violin lesson, bought burrito, McChicken, fruit punch Jarritos, glazed donut twist. Total bus lines we rode: 24 Divisadero, 22 Fillmore, 49 Van Ness, 38 Geary
-I'm finally HOMEEEEE in San Francisco! Spring Break is here. Cannot wait for sweet sleep and rest! And fun! And LA! XD

(Too bad there's homework and reading and research papers though :P)

The Great Redeemer

Wow God, you really can redeem anything, and for that reason I praise You, thank You, and love You all the more.

Today I wasn't feeling quite as joyful or lighthearted as I've been almost every day this semester. I think it was due to some relational issues with certain people and the things they did or said to me lately that really hurt or bothered me, and those things were lugging at my heart and sorta suppressing my mood today. Even during small group I was pretty quiet and wanted to cry during certain parts as we were reading through Scripture.

2 Thessalonians 3:13 tells us, "And as for you, brothers, never tire of doing what is right." Sometimes it really is hard to keep on "doing the right thing". All my life I've been called or looked upon as the "goody two-shoes" who always does right, but seriously, it's not easy. Especially when it comes to loving people who are hard to love. Seriously man. If it weren't for the love of Jesus Christ, I really would have no capacity or ability to even remotely love people who are hard to get along with, people who I feel resentful towards, people who have hurt me, people who I don't feel comfortable around, people who make me mad...

So tonight right before small group started (all the sisters were already over at my apartment and were sitting at the living room table), I entered my room and was secretly crying a little because I was already feeling sorta bummed in my heart, plus a minute ago my dad had just called to notify me that I no longer have health insurance (LAME!!!). I guess that was just the final straw that broke the camel's back and unleashed the tears in my eyes. ='(

I tried to wipe my eyes and fan my red face in the bathroom so that I would look normal because I really don't enjoy crying in front of people (plus, I've done that enough last semester). Thankfully, God allowed me to still be able to be attentive during small group and be blessed by it.

After all the small group sisters left, I ate a 2nd dinner of spicy ramen noodles because I was still pretty hungry. Then I randomly sat down on the coach and started a serendipitous conversation with the guest we had over at our apartment, who is also a Christian and she's from Taiwan. This actually turned out to be the highlight of my evening. We were able to talk about our spiritual matters, share prayer request, and I had shared with her some of my struggles and tough things I've been dealing with lately, which were contributors to my "bad day". We actually talked for quite a long time and even prayed together. I'm very thankful for this Taiwanese sister and thank God for her faith, despite the fact that she comes from a country were less than 2% of the population knows Christ. Even though I've only met her a couple of days, I hope that we can keep in touch and mutually spur each other on.

Wow God, thanks for how my day turned out. Even though there were some tears in the middle, you totally redeemed it at the end. (Oh yeah, and thanks God for helping me survive the debate in Chinese class about Obama's proposed bill on healthcare.) Thank you for being my Great Redeemer and for having first redeemed me from sin and death. Please continue to remind me of your Great Love so that I may continue to reflect that to others around me. And please give me additional grace to love those who are tougher to love.

Time, Can You Pass By More Slowly?

Time flies. It really does, especially when you're busy. So this semester has been super duper busy for me, as I have emphasized before in previous posts (and in person, if you've been hanging out with me haha). But it's been a good kind of busy. Makes my days feel full and productive. Because I had to take a lighter load last semester, in a way I'm compensating and making up for that by taking 5 academic classes + Gospel Choir, so a total of 6 classes this Spring. I've definitely been more involved with ICA this semester. In addition to church and small/large group, I now have discipleship with Sally and also Servant Leaders/V-SET trainings on some weekends. I've also been finding a lot of joy from hanging out and keeping in touch with people, so social life has also been keeping me "on my feet". The past 2 weeks have been pretty crazy, midterms have been raining down on me one after another. It's pretty brutal finishing a midterm one day and then having to switch gears immediately afterward to study for another midterm the next day. Not to mention being sleep deprived. So I've been averaging about 4-5 hours of sleep lately. Not good, but thankful that I haven't broken down or crashed (yet) and that my immune system is still pretty much in tact. Oh, how good and sweet is your grace God! But always being busy and constantly on-the-go is not necessarily a good thing, especially if it causes you to minimize or completely cut out spending quality time with God. It's kinda like being in a relationship. If you truly love the person with whom you're in a relationship, you wouldn't just call them once a week or even once a day and just plainly say "hi" and then go on to finish the bajillion things you have to get down for the day. Likewise, God doesn't appreciate our "leftovers" but would love to spend quality time with us while we are fully and wholeheartedly there and at our best. Lately I've been really challenged to be able to do my Quiet Times daily, and not just doing them and checking that off my "To Do" list, but really spending quality time in the Word, marinating in what I read, praying to God and quietly listening to how He would speak to me today.

I just realized today that Spring Break is just around the corner (the week after next week!), and oddly I'm actually not THAT excited about it. I actually thought that Spring Break was the last week of March but apparently it's March 22-26. I think the thought that the day of graduation is inching nearer and nearer and that very soon I will no longer be an undergrad college student at Cal scares me. The thought of having to move on and enter the "real world" frightens me just a bit. Plus, I've really been enjoying this semester and finding a lot of joy in my day through my Lord and Savior, despite daily preoccupations and exhaustion. It's been pretty good, and I'm sorta in the mode of wanting this state of things to last forever. But life goes on and can't stay one way for eternity. And ultimately, I think the uncertainty of the future sorta scares me, but at the same time it can be exciting just seeing what God has in store for me. I used to be bothered by the fact that I can't see wayyy ahead of my life, like what I'll be doing in five years and where I'll be living and who I will marry... I used to wish that God could just throw down a map that has all the directions carefully mapped out for me to walk and that I could visibly see it and follow. But that's not how God operates, for His thoughts are not our thoughts, and His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). God reveals to us His plan for us each day at a time, like a scroll that He slowly unfolds day by day. And I take ultimate comfort and assurance in knowing where my soul is bound if and should I leave this earth "early". So it's all good. Sometimes it's hard to remember to think of things in the light of eternity when we're so fixated in the "today" and on ourselves.

I've also realized that I haven't really been fully enjoying Chinese like I use to, rather it be doing the readings of the articles or writing my homework assignments. Maybe it's because it's reaaaallly hard and tough, plus this unit we're on politics and I'm not a huge fan of discussing Chinese/Taiwan political issues =/ God, please give me strength to finish my three Chinese assignments due tomorrow.

Conglomeration of Thoughts

Wow, what a long and full week. And yet another busy weekend to come tomorrow and Sunday. Thank you God for helping me survive my 3 midterms this week. Please give me much grace to soar through the 2 coming up this week. Btw gonna try to never J-walk again. At least in Berkeley. Man I really do J-walk like almost every day. Saves so much time! And I do it when there are no cars and no police. But today in Chinese class I finally got scared because a classmate said her friend got fined $125 by a cop for J-walking. =/ From this day forward, I shall be a good citizen and abide by traffic laws. Wore high heels tonight. Went to a Japanese restaurant as well as Cheesecake Factory. Happy birthday, Moon! Tsk tsk tsk, didn't do my QT today yet. Jesus is my best friend. Because he was a man of sorrows, he knows EXACTLY how I feel and every emotion that I can possibly feel. He's been through it all. I want to write letters. Can't wait for this coming week to be over so I can finally write some letters and snail mail it to friends who are far away. I'm getting my bike back soon. I really enjoy my neighbors across the hallway in Apt. 102. They are awesome, especially because one of them has the same birthday as me :] Practiced guitar today. So enjoyable. Learned a couple worship songs plus Lucky by Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Caillat. Wonder who I'm gonna marry. Btw I'm on a semi-Internet fast. Not going on fb/Gchat for a while because I was WRONGFULLY ACCUSED by someone of being an 'Internet addict', which I refuse to be because I am not one. So to prove a point, here goes my fasting. Love the sound of toddlers and kids' laughter. Always so cute. Wish time passed by more slowly. A ton of things that I want to do while still an undergrad at Berkeley, but not enough time to do it. Hope that the rest of this final semester of college passes by reeeaallyy sllooooowwwly. Want to go on an ADVENTURE. Every day! Need to find my student ID card. Want to give me your bus sticker? Hmmm China this summer? and/or Kyrgyzstan? Need to pray more. Miss you Sammyboy, man you're turning 13 this year. Will I be a nurse someday? at UCLA? Need more sleep. Goodbye, and Good Morning.