3 Months

Waiting. In the meantime, I have resolved to keep living by faith, to believe in Jesus and His words.

$1.50

Ate at a buck fifty for the first time tonight. (Funny that it's actual real name is Tommy Tacos) Lots of french fries, a burger with no onions, and Sprite for $4.00... and I didn't have to pay for it! :] Sat and ate on the outdoor stool/stand/counter place with good company and looked out to cars on the street, the passerby's, and just upward to the sky. Praised and thanked God outloud. Then we walked back with Clover to my apartment to study for pharmacology. Watched a clip from Up! on Youtube because the song was stuck in our heads (mostly mine). It all started because he hummed it ever so quietly in class on Friday and I - with my ever so sharp ears - sitting next to him couldn't help but hear it. Also watched the stalker cat video... creepy. Talked about turtles and pets and looking old in driver's licenses but young in real life and thin apartment walls and loud laughs and being wise. Argh research midterm critique. Though he might be wiser, my memory is sharper. Hope we could both trade a little more. Now it's time for bed, goodniiight. Praise the Lord.

So sweet but so sad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yjAFMNkCDo&feature=related

"I Can Only Imagine"

I was singing that song tonight after our 2 mile run at Drake Stadium. We also ran the flight of the stairs by the bleachers. This past week I listened to Laura Story's "Blessings" every day and at night in my bed before I feel asleep. Now I'm listening to "Married Life" from the Up! soundtrack. And sort of thinking about something(one)... but at the same time, not really.

My Dream Car (Station Wagon)

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/ce/2002-2003_Subaru_Outback_%28MY03%29_Luxury_2.5_station_wagon_%282007-11-23%29.jpg http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/ae/1967_AMC_Rambler_Rebel_station_wagon_Mariner_edition.JPG

psalm 62

My soul is so very overwhelmed and burdened.

Save Me

God I'm at my end, almost to my breaking point. I feel like I can't take all this suffering any longer... please save me. Come save me

Following Jesus is Costly

Worship that costs nothing is not true worship at all. "I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing." -2 Samuel 24:24

He has a heart for God, missions, discipleship, and orphans too. And he's pretty humble and suffers well. What does this mean (to me)??

Alone... (but not really)

Why does everyone whom I miss and love so much have to be so far from me right now... either in Berkeley, SF, Kyrgyzstan, Canada... basically: not here with me in LA. =( Well, glad that I always have Jesus. You can have all this world, just give me Jesus.

Paper Writing

Dear God, I have two papers due on Friday. I'm sure You know that already. I'm not making much progress, and I don't really want to write nor do I really know what to write about. Somehow paper-writing is getting more and more dreadful for me these days. In addition to that, I keep getting distracted. Everything else just seems soooo much more interesting and fun to do instead of writing my papers. I'm so tempted to waste time and then just end up feeling guilty about it later. Please help me to stay focused and give me inspiration to write. I know it's only by Your grace that I can move forward and complete this assignment. And help me not to compare myself to my friend, who so happens to be a genius professional student. Also all by Your grace. In Jesus's Name, Amen.

Skid Row

I went to Skid Row for the first time last night with Tae to share the Gospel with the homeless there. I saw many homeless, druggies, people who were selling cigarettes, people who were pretty "out of it" for whatever reason, huge cockroaches, rats... Overall it was a real good, eye-opening experience for me. We prayed before and after our time talking to the people. We even got to sit on the back of Tae's pick-up truck when we prayed for the people individually and as a community as we wrapped up the evening. The main thing we prayed for was the salvation of the people and that they would know God. Tae was really good at talking to the people on Skid Row - I was so impressed. Praise God. Looking forward to going again :]

Singleness

I wonder if I'm ever going to get married or if God is calling me to singleness? I've always wanted, or thought I did, the former. And people have told me on several occasions that they could see me being married and with kids. But lately I've been seriously contemplating the latter and realize that it really doesn't seem to be that bad... even seems quite refreshing. I'm pretty content right now being single - will this contentment last?

Hmmmmm singleness. Just me + Jesus for eternity.

Eyes on Jesus

Need to keep my eyes constantly fixed upon Jesus...

Pruning

This season of my life God is definitely pruning me. Because He loves me. Though at times it is painful and difficult, I must hold onto the Truth, remember God's character, and keep walking by faith.

Spring Quarter Starts Tomorrow

Just a week ago I felt like I had just come out of war when Winter Quarter ended. It had been a reaaally rough and challenging quarter, not to mention extreme sleep deprivation. Actually it felt more like the war was put on pause... Went to ETP and then got to fly home to SF for just a few days. So short but so good. Now I'm back in LA and tomorrow the battle commences... again! May the Lord's pruning continue once again as well...

Let's do this God.

Abba Father

Super blessed by ETP 2012!!!

What God told me:
1) I am beautiful, I am valuable, I am full of worth
2) I am God's favorite
3) I am God's beloved daughter, the one whom Jesus loves

Ughhhh roommate issues

Lord help us! Would You reign over every situation and reveal Thyself

LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. Help me to keep loving. Help us all to LOVE.

Love covers a multitude of sins. - 1 Peter4:8, Proverbs 10:12

Be Near, O God

Be near, O God
Be near, O God of us
Your nearness is to us our good

Psalm 73:28 - But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.

3 down, 2 more to go

Final exam #4 in 35 minutes... then just one more tomorrow morning and I'll be DONE with Winter Quarter!

Insight

Tonight, after studying for our N174 Physical Assessment final exam which is tomorrow morning at 8am (more like in 7 hours...), I got some valuable insight from someone I trust and respect regarding an issue that's been on my heart for about 4 months now. I'm thankful for what he shared and pray that God would continue to show Himself in this situation and that I may continue to be surrendered to whatever He does.

And just be natural.

Childhood Love

Growing up, this was the kind of love that I always wanted someday. Now I think I've pretty much given up on that but trusting in God for something just as sweet... or better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvKzyYy6qvY

Winter Quarter Finals

feels like war.

one down, four more to go.

it's all good - God is my commander.

going to bed now because my brain is deep fried (like an egg! or bacon =P) after my killer 3-hour Pathophysiology final exam today

Changes

Tonight might have been the last night. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe I will miss these times. Maybe it's supposed to be like this. Maybe this is how it will end.

In any case, God is Sovereign and loving and good. He makes all things beautiful in His time. I shall continue to wait and see.

Things will be different. Something new.

"I the Lord do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed." --Malachi 3:6

sighhh. another one of those long nights of studying for final exams, but my heart is somewhere else... overseas. really missing V-SET and all our beloved students and contacts and experiences overseas. God, I wish I could go back this summer...

2:52pm@BiomedLib.

God I need You more. Your presence is life. I need You Lord. My heart keeps running back to You, my home. I need You, I need You Lord.

Your Love is Everything

When I am dry and thirsty Lord,
And I'm crying out for more,
I know I can trust in your love.
In the darkness in the night
When I'm starving for the light
I know I can trust in Your love

You keep no records of my sin,
and you don't remember all my shame.

Your love heals every disease
Your love fulfills my every need
Your love is everything to me
Your love is everything

I will not forget
I won't forget your promises
I will not forget
I won't forget your love.

I will not forget
I won't forget nothing is impossible
I will not forget
I won't forget your love.

You desire truths in the inner parts. Psalm 51

God, I just want peace and rest right now, in You. Let me run to You and hide myself in your loving arms.

Praise

Songs that have been running through my mind and lips this season of my life:

This is Our God - Hillsong
Bones - Hillsong
Like an Avalanche - Hillsong
Unending Love - Hillsong
God is Able - Hillsong
It's Your Love - Hillsong
Savior, Please - Josh Wilson
Who Am I - Casting Crowns
The Gift of Knowing You - Stream of Praise
Give Me Jesus - Jeremy Camp
Higher/I Believe in You - Hillsong


Praise You, Jesus. Praise You Jesus!!! It's Your love and Your blood that have saved me!!

Engagement

Praise the Lord! Finished huge Pathophysiology 2nd exam this morning!! All by God's grace. Solely by His grace. Man, this quarter is my first having exams and papers and presentations EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK. bam bam bam, they really don't give us a break. Feels like undergrad finals week every week. CRAZY. At the same time I'm learning to find rest amidst crazy busyness.

Thankfully I can always find deep soul rest in my dear Lord Jesus Christ... for God grants sleep to those He loves (Psalm 127:2).

On a side note: everyone is getting engaged these days!!! Ahh! What's up with that?! (heehee jk. May the Lord bless all those happy couples out there!!) I've never even had a boyfriend before... O.o

Hmmm I wonder when will be the Lord's timing for me? But I'm content with just Jesus... or am I really?

Learning to be :) Daily basking in His sweet incomparable neverending Love ♥

Losing Steam

Jesus, I do believe... help me overcome my unbelief!!!

It's Yours

Nothing is mine. Nothing belongs to me. All I have is Yours. Take it all, Jesus. All the glory and honor and fame and recognition belongs to You alone.

Oh Jesus, such trying times for me right now! I'm struggling so much. Please help me, Lord Jesus! Give me the faith to keep believing, to keep fighting. Give me faith, Jesus!

Jesus Calms the Sea

Jesus, I'm riding in Your boat. Please calm the storm in me and around me.

Feeling Blahhhhh

I have a huge headache right now, still. This entire week I've been feeling tired and weary, feverish and achy all over. I think this birthday is the first one that I could remember being ill.

Jesus, please be the deep soul rest that I desperately need right now.

Captivate Us, Lord Jesus, With You

I'm already in the most important relationship of my life. Jesus is my valentime :)

Love

I already have the greatest Love of all inside of me.

Christ in me = life. Because Jesus is in me, I can live. I will live, even though it's hard sometimes. Because I have Love.

How I Want to Die

“I love to hear the Word of God read aloud. One of the most difficult pastoral tasks I’ve ever had came very early in my ministry. I was teaching at a college in Massachusetts, and a man closely connected to the school became sick unto death. I used to go to Massachusetts General Hospital every day and sit by his bed and watch him die a day at a time. Finally we came down to the last few hours of his life, and there was very little I could do to comfort him other than put some ice on his parched lips, wipe the sweat from his forehead, and read to him from the Word of God. But that is what he most wanted because of the comfort the Scriptures provided. That’s how I want to die — listening to the Word of God, because that Word is life.” – RC Sproul

Perimeter

Came back from running the perimeter around UCLA with John, Peter, Mark, and Caleb a few hours ago. What a good run! I felt pretty good after running it. Hope we do it more often.

And praise the Lord for giving me energy and strength to keep up with the brothers! =P

a Word from Him

This morning I was thinking of Philippians 1:6. This quarter's been challenging and rough for me in terms of balancing life with Nursing school, ministry, and relationships while first being devoted to God above all else... even up a notch in intensity from last quarter.

Then halfway through my Secondary Prevention lecture, I got an email from a friend:

word for you:

"and i am sure of this that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ"- Phil 1:6

jia you! since God brought you here, He will bring it to completion.

I love it when God speaks and confirms :) I'm thankful and joyful.

The Heart

An excerpt from my sister Vicky's blog:

Isn’t it interesting how God shows Himself faithful and faithful again, yet I’m still anxious? And then out of my anxiety, I somehow choose to trust my own ways over His? LOL. My own ways...

I wonder what would happen if I really just went God's way. More people would be blessed. His eternal Kingdom would reign rather than my temporary selfish desires. My worries would be replaced with peace that surpasses all understanding. Wouldn't it be neat if answered prayers really drove my life rather than a constant need to control it?

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it.

Oh for grace to trust Him more.

so true, sister. so true. yes i am prone to wander too... may we continue to repent daily -- deep, thorough repentance -- and turn our fickle hearts back to our True Love!

tonight i so happen to be meditating on Jeremiah 17:9-10. let us continue to ask the Lord to guard our hearts -- our hearts that are deceitful yet so precious to Him! and He wants it ALL FOR HIMSELF. may He purify our hearts and make it strong, make it beat for Him. may God be the strength or our hearts and our portion forever (Psalm 73:25-26).

please pray for continual deep healing, freedom, restoration, and peace for me. my body and soul are tempted to grow weary (this quarter is the toughest quarter of Nursing school! and ministry on top of that just makes everything busier) but God is telling me time and time again to cast all my anxieties on Him because He cares and He is good and faithful and full of grace. and because He loves me. He calls me to remember His character.

O Lord GOD, my heart and flesh may fail, but You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Help me to cling onto this promise during this time.

Hungry

Hungry I come to You for I know You satisfy...

Today is the 5th day of my Daniel Fast. It's been pretty good so far. I got pretty sick starting Monday after Winter Conference, so I guess being weak and sick with a limited diet has been a little challenging at times, but it's been okay. God is good and loving. I'm kind of always a little bit hungry now but not starving or anything. Mostly been eating vegetables (carrots, celery, cauliflower, tomatoes) and fruits (apples, oranges, bananas, pears) and grains (wheat bread, rice porridge, granola).

Some things I'm praying over as I fast:
-deep inner HEALING
-FREEDOM. I want to be free
-greater personal FAITH to believe GOD
-be surrendered about all tings
-be filled with the Spirit
-NO MORE FEAR of man or anything of this world
-discipleship (I will be discipling someone this quarter, first in America PTL!)
-Mei and Esther (my friends who will be serving as missionaries in Mongolia and Kyrgyzstan for 2+ years)

May God continue to be the strength of my heart and portion forever (Psalm 73:26) throughout this entire span of 21 days of Daniel Fasting and beyond, as well as anyone else out there who is also doing the Daniel Fast at this time, and may His Word continue to be my food, for man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord (Deuteronomy 8:3).

Music

God gave me a huge love and appreciation for music. I love the sound of musical notes and instruments and singing voices. I learned my first songs on the keyboard when I was in elementary school. I remember learning the recorder in 3rd grade and the violin in 4th. I played the violin for 9 years. I started playing guitar in high school. Ever since I was little I enjoyed singing and was always singing. (Hah I remember when people came over to our house my mom would tell me to sing for them and I'd be really embarrassed >.< ) Even now I'm always singing - outloud or in my head, and definitely in the shower. I LOVE praise and worship time during church service, rally, spontaneous fellowshipping, jam-sessions... And as Christians, I feel that we have even MORE reason to sing. I'm thankful that GOD gave me a voice so I can sing praises to Him.

But it seems to me that I make music best when I am alone... with Him.

♫ ♪ Jesus, you are my song ♪ ♫

Back in LA

Feels good to be back.

Going to sleep now. Going to review TMS 60pack and pray before sleeping. Going to sleep with the fact in my head that I am God's beloved!

One New Soul :]

Just came back from the nursing home with momma. PRAISE THE LORD!!! 54-yr-old Mr.Wong decided to place his faith in Jesus and prayed with sincere tears to receive Him into his heart as Savior and Lord! Momma has been praying for Mr.Wong for months now. GOD is truly the One who changes hearts and calls His own back to Him! Amazzzing!

In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents. -Luke 15:10 =)

Dear Future Husband

Lately I've been really sincerely praying that you will be (are) a God-loving HUMBLE servant leader.
I also pray that you will be mission-minded and have a huge heart for missions. Like me.

Let's keep knowing GOD and growing in our faith. I'm praying for you!

Longing

Handwriting cards and letters to my girls in Bishkek, Almaty, and Beijing. I write to them with deep love, joy, and tears in my heart. Praying and longing for the day that GOD reunites us...

Only in Nursing School...

... do you have a course syllabus that is 98 pages long!!! At least at UCLA Nursing. Last quarter we had one that was 50 something pages, and I thought THAT was long...

A little less than a week before school starts. Am I ready for battle?

Happy New Year 2012!!!

Praise the LORD for 2011, praise the LORD for the new year of 2012 to come!