"My Baby's Heart Stopped Beating"

I don't know if I'll ever get to have my own baby, or if I have a baby whose heart stopped beating.  But if the latter ever happens to me, I hope that I could respond in the same way that this godly woman did to the God whom she loves and worships and trusts.

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/my-baby-s-heart-stopped-beating

Joy

So I've been struggling to have joy. I've been feeling down and depressed for quite a while now. I don't know how to explain it - not depressed to the point where I want to kill myself or am unable to function (and I know that is the grace of God) but I guess you can call it depression in that it's like a gloomy cloud that hangs over me (or follows me) and it's never really gone away completely, and it's been like this for a while now. I don't quite remember when it started, but probably around the fall of 2013. Or maybe even before. 2013/2014 was a rough year.

Yesterday night at GOC Steve Lawson said, "The greatest joy in life is to know Jesus personally. The second greatest joy is to be used by God to help others do the same." I sat there listening intently with tears streaming down my face because deep down inside my heart, I couldn't agree more.  And this heart of mine is desperate to possess that kind of joy - both the greatest and second greatest.  And I know that that kind of joy comes only from God.  I cannot derive it from within myself or from someone or something or somewhere else.

Oh Jesus, I desperately want to know you more, and I want to know you personally, and I want to help others know you.  I want to learn to know you.

Jeremiah 9:23-24