On Messing Up

Pretty much throughout the whole day, I carried within my heart a huge lump of burdensome guilt and regret. I was pretty upset and disappointed in myself for something I did last night. And for that I condemned myself a stupid foolish failure. It also rained really hard this afternoon and I was all wet as I walked across campus, umbrella-less.

But God has shown forgiveness and grace. He is the EPITOME of love and forgiveness so no matter how many times I mess up and fail, God will still take me back and love me. All I can do is to sprint towards his open arms and humbly receive Him with a contrite heart. And for that I am eternally blessed.

Thank you, Jesus.


Song of the Day:
Take You Back - Jeremy Camp

WEIRRRRRD Dream

In one of my dreams last night, I dreamt that I was at some outdoor student fundraiser thing and bought three boxes of cereal (frosted wheaties! yay) at $1 each. Then for some reason I got a free baby. This baby was realllllly cute though and it hugged me tight around my neck when I carried it! <3 But then I accidentally threw up and my vomit got on my hair and splashed on the baby, who winced =( It was pretty nasty, but the baby was still adorable. Then I saw one (or was it some?) of my friends from LA.

Sooooo bizarre.....

MyTypical Wednesday

Today was another busy, long, tiring, at times rushed, very full but wonderful Wednesday. Here was my approximate schedule today:

8:15am - Cell phone alarm rings but went back to sleep due to extreme sleepiness cuz only slept 4 hours the night before
9:15am - Wake up forealz to finish Chinese homework
10:20am - Leave the apartment for class, which I was late to for the 2nd time this semester =P
10:40-12pm - Social Welfare Policy lecture
12-12:30pm - Scramble to finish typing Chinese homework in language lab. DUDE, we had so much Chinese homework!!! We had to translate this one-page English thing titled "Planning for Old Age" into Chinese AND write a response to what's wrong with the American welfare system (hey, relates to my major! =P) AND read two articles, one of which was verrrrry long.
12:30-1pm - Chinese class (was tardy for the first time today for this class)
1-4pm - Work. Got teased by my boss and my boss's boss. Teased me about my "imaginary boyfriend" who is currently nonexistent in my life but nonetheless brings much joy and laughter to the Dept of Art Practice on Wednesday afternoons. Ate lunch while on the job. Mailed out a bunch of Berkeley MFA (Masters in Fine Arts) rejection letters =(. Collected art class fees. Made a mistake (first time EVER making a relatively huge mistake on the job). Boss "pretended" to give me a hard time about that, though actually was quite forgiving as he knows my work ethics.
4-4:30pm - Talk with dad and mom on the phone outside the music library. They told me some good news! Yay, PTL! We're gonna be rich! :D Nahhh jk.
4:30-6:30pm - Did my Quiet Times in the Music Library. First I sat on the floor by these glass windows overlooking into this soccer field where the Army or ROTC practice (the main reason I sat there was because there was sunlight), but then I got busted by this library technician woman who told me kindly that she hated to be a party pooper but that I had to sit on a study table because apparently, me sitting on the floor was "hazardous" in some way. I probably was roadblock to the fire exit or something. Then I migrated to the second floor and sat in this pretty comfy armchair that was in the corner facing these other glass windows that looked out to campus, where I saw the Music Building and green grass and luscious trees and the sun was setting in the background and it's rays tinted the trees and its leaves... a truly beautiful and relaxing view. After Deuteronomy 8 (which is a REALLY GOOD chapter btw, very reminiscent of my life the past semester and even up until now), started reading "A Short History of Medicine" for my Public Health 183 midterm next Monday.
6:45-7:25pm - Got help from Albert on understanding the ridiculously long Chinese article about retirement, old age, finances, health, and happiness -___-.
7:15-9:30pm - ICA Large Group
9:30-10pm - Accompany Michelle to Walgreen's and then walk home.
10-11pm - Workout at the RSF. Ran on treadmill, lifted weights, did sit-ups, and stretched. YEAHHHHH!
11:30-12am - Showered and washed my hair with the one and only DOVE SHAMPOO and CONDITIONER. Mmmmm my hair smells NOICE :]
12am - ??? - Study and read for Microbiology Lab (exam next Tuesday =/ )

I also didn't really have a formal dinner tonight :( But I purposely ate a big lunch (rice, zucchini, fish+shrimp, 2 Yoplait yogurts with a granola bar) so that I wouldn't be that hungry in the evening. And after LG, I just ate some snacks. I'm a little hungry right now but it's too late to eat right now, plus I'm gonna hit the haystack soon. Guess I'll just eat a big yummy breakfast tomorrow morning.

"You're a Wholesome Child"...

... says my boss to me.

Yay, I take that as a compliment. =P

Getting Back on Track

Even though I'd much rather be practicing the guitar right now, I am studying for my oh-so-dreadful Physiology midterm, which is in two days... dun dun dun. The only reason it is dreadful is because I'm scared that I won't know/remember anything and then do poorly on the test, like what happened in Bio1A... *shudders at the horrible memories of BioA exams*

So today during Quiet Time, I felt quite "rebuked" by the Spirit because I know full well that I've been squandering my time on other stuff lately... well, I haven't been the best steward of my time. And now, I am quite behind in pretty much every class except Chinese because we HAVE to keep up with the readings and do the homework or else Li Laoshi will yell at us. In public. As in, in front of the entire class. (And in in fluent Mandarin =P) Well, I guess I've been catching up with Physiology since the test is this Tuesday, but yeah... I feel like deadmeat for Microbiology cuz there's just a PLETHORA of information plus a ton of reactions to memorize for lab, and I'm like a couple centuries behind in reading for my History of Medicine class (oh schnaps, just checked the syllabus and our first midterm is next Monday -____-), and I've only started reading Chapter 1 in ONE of the two textbooks for my Social Welfare Policy class. *gulp*

Sigh. Well, I now have to reap the consequences of the bad seeds I sowed and take responsibility for my actions. Therefore, I am determined to knuckle down FOREALZ this week and get back on track and caught up on my schoolwork. No more Gchat, no more facebook, no more Youtubing funny videos. I know that I cannot do it myself, no matter how determined I am, for it does not depend on man's effort but on God's mercy (Romans 9:16). Thus, I have been praying to God to grant me wise time management, discipline, concentration, and productivity and to finish this last semester of my undergrad college years STRONGGGGGG (while staying faithful in my daily walk with Him)!

I, FRANCES LAI TING LEONG, REFUSE TO CONTRACT SENIORITIS!!!!!

But mannnnn I have a busy week(s) + weekend(s) ahead. Lord, please help me...

UGH...

I intensely dislike uterine pain. Sometimes it hurts so bad that all I can do is lie down, do nothing, and cringe. In pain. Which is pretty lame, especially when you desperately gotta study cuz you've got a midterm coming up this Tuesday and are still trying hard to understand metabolic pathways and the feedback inhibition of phophofructokinase.


(Can somebody please explain Lecture 5 of IB 132 (Human Physiology) to me? Using comprehendable English, watered-down science terms please.)


UGHGGG. It's moments like these that I wish I were a guy.

Chinese New Year/Valentime's Day

It's 11:00pm on Sunday night, which so happens to be Chinese New Year and Valentime's Day. I'm sitting here alone at the living room table in my apartment reading my human physiology textbook and I'm really struggling to concentrate. I keep getting distracted every five minutes or so, having the urge to log onto facebook or gmail or anything where I can have some interaction with people. And I'd much rather be out right now hanging out with friends or perhaps going to Fenton's for ice cream or something. But I think I've had enough fun this weekend and now it's way past due time for me to knuckle down and be disciplined to catch up on my classes and readings, which I have a lot. My goal is to get a lot a lot of reading (esp for physio) done tonight so tomorrow (Presidents' Day, no school yay!) I get to have fun and hangout with my family when they come visit me.

Today is also my Chinese birthday according to the lunar calendar. Noooo I'm getting old.

With You With You With You With You With You...

Tonight during Gospel Choir rehearsal, I had a blast sitting next to Helen (we are both Soprano II). I turn to ask her a question:

Frances: Do you listen to hip hop music?

Helen: Not that much.

Frances: Me neither, except maybe the really popular/mainstream songs. So how do you classify Taylor Swift's genre? Is that hip hop?

Helen: More like pop/country.

Frances: Oh yeah!!! (I knew that =P) Hey have you heard of Chris Brown?

Helen: Mmmhmm.

Frances: Do you know his song "With You?"

Helen: Yeah, the first time I heard it was during VSET.

Frances: WHAAAAATT?!? In 2008? Two years ago?? That song's THAAAT old? I heard it for the first time on Monday... thought it was his new single or something because I saw him singing it live onstage for one of those Haiti benefit concerts on TV...

Helen: Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I heard it on the train during VSET.

Frances: *a bit embarrassed to admit* I kinda like it =P Well I like the music, not so much the lyrics. I like the guitar in the background. But every time I think of Chris Brown, I think of how he got arrested for beating up Rihanna... did you know about that?

Helen: *shakes head* I don't keep up with that stuff.

Frances: Me neither, but this one was ALL OVER THE NEWS!!!


LOL oh Helen... :]

I really need to guard my heart...

ONE PURE AND HOLY PASSION

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You

To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your disciple in your truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you, my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you
Lead me on and I will run after you

The Saints Win the Superbowl!

As you all probably already know by now, today was Superbowl Sunday and I spent the afternoon with some ICA people as well as new friends at Danny and Akemi's home in Castro Valley watching the game/eating party food.

The Saints won! Most of us were rooting for them over the Colts. YAY, "SAINTS" always win, if ya know what I mean... =P

So right now I'm reading this article in Chinese for class tomorrow while listening to Chris Brown's "With You". I'm sort of embarrassed about listening to his song and am even more embarrassed/ashamed to admit that I actually like it... But yeah, the song itself is quite catchy and I like the music and guitar in the background (don't really care for the lyrics). Ughhh I hope I don't get this song stuck in my head... -___-

Last week (ALL WEEK) I had this song stuck in my head: 甜蜜蜜

All for God's Glory

So today we had our first VSET/Servant Training from 9-4:30pm. Though it was long and I was tired, I was very blessed by the training. We read an article called "The Story of His Glory" from the book Perspectives. It was a really good article talking about glory and how that relates to worship and the name of God.

Basically, I was just reminded that EVERYTHING should be about God. It should always be for God's glory. GOD'S GLORY.

(sorry sorta feeling lazy right now, perhaps I shall expand more/do a continuation on this post sometime later)