AHHHHHHHHHH

There are a bajillion things on my mind. So many tasks to finish, decisions to make, things to ponder about. And uncertainty/confusion about my future makes me antsy and restless and worried. And then I can't help but feel stupid about feeling that because I knowww God's got my back and He LOVES me and has a plan for me and that He understands everrrrything that I'm going through right now. But if I know all this, then why do I still feel blahhhhh??

Yesterday after Large Group, I finally got a chance to talk to Danny about some things that's been on my heart. He responded with lotsa godly counsel but most importantly, he invited me to really go to God and dig deep into His WORD. One thing that he said that stood out to me was "Faith doesn't always make sense."

Matthew 17:19-20

19Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, "Why couldn't we drive it out?"
20He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."


sigh. These days my supply of faith has been fluctuating... sometimes it really feels as small as a mustard seed, but then some days I'm very certain in my heart that everything will be a-okay and that God will provide like He always does. Of course deep down in my heart is always the desire to TRUST God, but often times I still catch myself leaning on my own limited understanding and efforts. danggg it, why am I such a weak-faithed weaklinggg? I really do wanna just OBEY GOD. I really really do.

I reallllly need to PRAY, draw close to God, get deep into His Word, and earnestly seek Him MORE. like RIGHT NOW. and constantly, daily. I really need direction from Jesus Christ. After all, He is the BEST and ULTIMATE discipler.

(Note: For those of you who have been praying for me, I sincerely THANK YOU. Please keep me updated with you and lemme know how I can be praying for you as well.)