BLAH

I was trying to clean out the desktop on my old laptop by deleting old documents or moving them into folders. Doing this mostly for the sake of my parents, since they use this laptop now because the computer in my SF home is getting pretty old and slow. Plus I recently got a new laptop for school XP

So as I'm cleaning, I come across this Notepad document titled "Blah" that I had saved on my desktop on January 11, 2009 (almost one year ago). I open it and see a bunch of random stuff: the mailing address of my penpal in England, a few Bible verses, a conversation I had with someone, a letter I typed up, and this:

"Hi I'm Mrs. President. I'm known and valued by God and I follow Him with my heart. I enjoy taking walks with my husband and drinking Jamba Juice together. My family loves me dearly and I have two children, one boy who loves to run track, and a girl who enjoys singing. I'm a good listener and enjoy real sincere friendships with those around me..."

Haha reading that made me smile. I wrote it a while back after reading something similar that a friend had written. This cool friend has reminded me to not let myself be defined by my qualifications nor what other people think or say about me nor anything else in the world but rather, to find joy and peace in being known and loved by God.

This past summer of 2009 starting in July and rolling over to the bulk of Fall semester has been the most difficult time in my life thusfar. So many changes and transitions happened and I felt so overwhelmed, so much inner turmoil, so much spiritual warfare (to say the least). I felt so many emotions that words could not express, and many days I just felt BLAHHHHHHHH. I almost HATE feeling "blah", one of the worst feelings. -____- But to cut everything short (just for now, at least), I really witnessed GOD Himself during this "miserable time". Amidst my tears and struggles and sorrow, God remained faithful. He showed me abundant grace and His AMAZING love. Now as I'm in the middle of reflecting and processing everything that happened over the past months and hopefully writing a testimony on it, I'm beginning to understand more and more. I don't know if I'll ever FULLY understand EVERYTHING, but I do believe that God has a reason for all that I went through. And as my cool friend pointed out to me recently, a part of it is for the sake of building my character. I'm definitely glad that God is molding and making me into a woman after His own heart and that I'm well on my journey of becoming a woman of noble character :]