Dear Lord,
Today I am really struggling with discontentment, depression, and despair. I am experiencing a lot of physical discomfort in my body, and the most frustrating part is I don't really know what the cause or remedy is. I am afraid and I don't know what to do. I am doing the best I can to take faith, seek treatment, work part-time, keep marching forward, keep being faithful in ministry and thinking on the needs of others... but I am limping and I need strength added to my strides. The Enemy is driving me to despair. I'm not sure if I have a pinched nerve or herniated disk that might be causing sciatica going down my right hamstring and calf, or just a tingling numbing uncomfortable feeling that is very prominent when I drive... or is this all from my scoliosis that might be worsening... or is it just chronic overuse and fatigue of my entire body and all its muscles??? Do I need to take an extended break from work? Is it okay that I'm working 2 shifts a week? Am I delaying the healing process, exacerbating my injuries? Do I need imaging/xray/MRI? Should I quit my job at Cedars? But if I quit, I won't have health insurance, not to mention, an income. I just want to feel well and healthy and alive again. I want to be content and happy. But I'm not. God, I'm really worried and upset about many things. I'm really resonate with Martha. I pray to You every day, every hour, desperately. How come it seems like you have turned a deaf ear...? I know that cannot be true, because I am Your daughter and You hear your children's pleas...
Please help me, God. Please come to my aid, come to my rescue. Let me see Thy goodness. Let me see You. Please, please, please.
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