I feel pretty stupid because of the feelings I'm feeling in my heart. Sigh... this too shall pass.

Okay barricade/fort-building not really working right now... what to do??!! I don't know what to do... God help me!

Recentering Myself

Just got home afterschool. (What happened to the warm yellow sun-shiney sun?!) So today throughout my physiology lecture, I couldn't help but inadvertently space out (on and off) on my professor while he was lecturing. Twas pretty bad... especially because I'm sorta lost about the renal system and renal exchange mechanisms and regulation of renal output and blah blah blah... but I couldn't help my mind from wandering off, daydreaming about something...... or someone. YYYeaahhh so pretty much opposite of what I want my heart to be doing at this point in my life. Especially because I made a commitment to God. So after class in the library, I turned to the Word and re-read one of my favorite passages in Psalm 73:25-26:

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

My flesh and heart have certainly failed today (and many days in the past as well), but I'm so glad that God is the strength of my heart. He's the One who helps me focus and get back on track and not think about ________. He's the One who loves me forever and is jealous for my love and attention. He's the One who is my security and joy and provision, my portion forever. And He's the One who still loves me even when I do think about _______ (but don't want to!) because He's the eternal Lover of my soul. I'm so blessed to be loved by my Creator King -- to be His beloved. And right now, He's the One who is gonna help me re-center myself back onto Himself.

Okay I'm gonna go practice guitar now for a little bit and then get cracking on my physio lab report on the renal system (gotta appreciate 'em kidneys!!). Praying that I won't think about _______..... and watching The Adjustment Bureau last night certainly doesn't help my situation because as much as I don't wanna admit it, I think I sometimes am sort of a hopeless romantic and a sucker for Hollywood romantic stuff (some). But now, back to building a barricade/fort around my heart...

Up So Early

Last night I went to sleep at 11pm, which is the earliest time that I slept this entire week of Spring Break. Dunno why but I woke up this morning around 3:30am and cannot go back to sleep =/ So I started reading Psalms, namely Ps 62, 63, and 67 - the one that talks about "let the nations be glad!" (V-SET article hehe). I tried turning off the lamp and going back to sleep, praying, listening to iPod... didn't work. Then I checked my email and ended up watching this really touching video on the Kimyal tribal people in Papua New Guinea receiving Bibles for the very first time! I'm so touched in my heart and moved to tears by my awesome Kimyal brothers and sisters who love the Word of God soooo much! You should watch this video too if you have time and be blessed by it!

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justintaylor/2011/03/03/what-does-it-look-like-to-receive-the-new-testament-for-the-first-time/

Hmmmm I think I know why I can't go back to sleep: I'm hungry :P
(Only had one meal yesterday - dinner)

Be My Everything

It's late, very late. Like wayyy past my bedtime late haha. 2:44am. Dunno why I'm still up. Got back home pretty late because had to drop Tiffany home after BARTing back to SF, but really glad she came out to Berkeley with me for fellowship tonight! Been thinking about a lot of stuff and I still am actually. Sorta feeling a little "emo" too haha, whatever that means. Trying to take all my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ... just collecting all of them and making Christ at the center of them all. Which is hard and I fail at it because I think I'm trying to compete with Him by subconsciously making myself (or other people) at the center. I know I cannot accomplish this (making Jesus the center of all my thoughts) by my own willpower because I'm so weaksauce and my own mind/heart is so deceptive. I'm so needy of God's help and grace. I'm so in need of God to be my everything. God, please continue to remind and convict me that You truly are the Only One who can fulfill my every need and desire and satisfy me complete-ly.

Learned a new song tonight during ICA Large Group.
Listening to it right now on Youtube because I really like it.
"Everything" by Tim Hughes.

God in my living, there in my breathing
God in my waking, God in my sleeping
God in my resting, there in my working
God in my thinking, God in my speaking

Be my everything, be my everything
Be my everything, be my everything

God in my hoping, there in my dreaming
God in my watching, God in my waiting
God in my laughing, there in my weeping
God in my hurting, God in my healing

Be my everything, be my everything
Be my everything, be my everything

Christ in me, Christ in me
Christ in me, the hope of glory
You are everything

Christ in me, Christ in me
Christ in me, the hope of glory
Be my everything

You are everything, You are everything
You are everything, You are everything
Jesus, everything, Jesus, everything
Jesus, everything, Jesus everything


I really want to say to Jesus "You are my everything".
O Lord Jesus, be my everything!
That is my sincere prayer to You tonight.

Prayer Tree!

So I finally started a prayer tree where I write down names of people I would like to commit myself to pray for. Next to their names, I write down their prayer requests or things that I will pray for them specifically. I already have quite a list... starting with my little brother Sam, parents, leaders, brothers and sisters from Berkeley ICA, old roommates, V-SET teammates, close friends who are not yet believers, brothers and sisters not near me at the moment (i.e. overseas or in LA)... chances are, if you've talked with me or emailed me recently, you're on my prayer tree and I'm praying for you! And like a sister once told me, "once you're on my prayer tree, you never come down!" By the grace of God, I hope I can stick to my commitment to praying for you guys regularly. We all have needs and are need of help, and God wants us to constantly bring all those things to Him in prayer!

If you have any prayer requests and/or would like to be prayer partners, PLEASE let me know and I can add you to my prayer tree! :) ♥

Guard Your Heart

Guard my ♥. That's what I need to keep on doing every minute, every day - remembering that my heart belongs to Jesus alone. ONLY Jesus Christ is 100% worthy of 100% of my whole heart :)


Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

On Crying

I must say that as much as I'd like to deny it, I can be quite the cry-er. I use to associate crying with weakness and shame. You remember being called a "cry-baby" in grade school and being teased by classmates when you cried and stuff, right? So yeah, every New Year one of my resolutions would always be "to not cry". Which is pretty silly now that I come to think of it because each year, I end up breaking that resolution! There is NO WAY that I can last a year without crying haha. At least that's how it's been for the past 23 years of my life. It's just a matter of how long I can last without crying (this year it lasted for about 2 months). But as of late, I've come to embrace the way God made me. Guess you can call me emotional, which I have no problem accepting anymore. It's one thing to have emotions and be emotional and cry once in a while over stuff; it's another thing to be OVERLY emotional (this I don't want to be). I've come to realize that there's something very liberating about crying and just letting it all out and just being real with yourself and what you're feeling. It's emotionally healthy. And when you're with people, there's this element of vulnerability and realness to it, which I believe even helps strengthen relationships. Hey, we're all human and sometimes we just go through sucky days or rough periods of time that beg for a good crying. And there's no shame to do it in front of people whom you trust and know that love you and won't judge you.

And I've also concluded that sometimes it takes a REAL man to cry.